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this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2024
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This fucking lie ended a conversation (that started about plumbing of all things!) between myself and my father with me screaming at him for being racist and him hanging up on me saying "Enjoy your fucking liberal life. Im hanging up now. Love you. Bye."
As a rule, I do NOT speak politics with my family because theyre HUGE MAGAts and Im the exact opposite. But my father is one who HAS to bait me. He just...its in his fucking DNA code or something. And usually I grit my teeth through it, but I couldnt this time.
Ughhhhh this pisses me off so much because I really thought that he would snort and roll his eyes at THIS lie at least. But no. He unironically believes this shit. Its fucking dangerous.
Yeah, therapists have noted a sharp upward trend of people dealing with politically driven grief. Basically, people separating from their family members due to political differences. And it’s almost universally from liberal people cutting off their Trump-crazed parents.
This, I believe 100%. I just got assigned a new therapist and have only had one session with them so far. However, I know for a fact that this is going to be a massive topic that I need to unpack with them.
It sucks because you just know all these parents will blame "the liberal media influencing the snowflake younger generation", rather than having any introspection.
I fear its going to make Boomers/Gen X even more radicalized than they already are, and double down on reforming schools to suit the Christian narrative.
Oh. I have relatives in the USA. Jewish and the older generation is sadly non-critical. Last family call ended where my uncle (strictly speaking, my mom's uncle, son of my grandma's older sister) dropped a phrase of "having to vote for someone who'll support Israel" in such a worried tone, that I fscking couldn't hold it. I mean, if my grandma wouldn't try to shut me up with her Israel worship bullshit (she has always been, ahem, simple-minded and loud, and now she's also of the age where people do not preserve a lot), could have gone better.
Trump isn't even better for Israel, just for Netanyahu.
Friend, it's really not worth it. You can cut out family members that insist on drama but otherwise you can just keep radio silence on topics that aren't mutually interesting.
People can change their minds but it isn't ever anyone outside forcing that change... significant changes always come from internal realizations.
Just enjoy your life and keep your sanity - I'm sorry you were saddled with a family deeply entrenched in the MAGA crazy.
Thank you, I appreciate it. We're pretty low contact as I live across the country, so I only really talk to him on holidays/birthdays to begin with, but this was an odd one-off.
I mostly really stay in contact at all because my brother has 2 babies, and the entire family is conservative (to the point that theyre considering home schooling the kiddos), and Im worried theyll never get ANY outside influence if my husband and I dont make an effort.
Its probably a worthless effort, because mentally I can only handle going home every year or so (and I make it as close to a 72 hr trip as possible), but I just feel like Im abandoning them completely if I cut everyone off now.
Sorry man. My fam and I went separate ways about a year ago due to this stuff. It's a sickness spread by a for profit entity which is the GOP. Doesn't feel good at all, but things got so ugly that the silence between us now is a welcome form of peace at least.
Im sorry you went through that, but Im glad you found peace. It sucks because I'm being pushed to consider going this exact route, so I know the pain/apprehension that went into your decision. Its a shitty place to be, and I have mad respect for you putting yourself first.
It really sucks, because I dont hate them, I hate their politics and their inability to respect boundaries, but I know theyll never see it that way. They'll see it as me breaking up the family because liberals are too sensitive or whatever.
I've been dealing with this for a while now. Family kicked me out of the house for supporting Bernie Sanders at one point. It sucks, because I love them very much, but they're Racist with a capital R and die-hard republicans who worship drumpf. Every time we talked they would bait me with their BS, and even when we're NOT talking about politics, it seems every gap in conversation is punctuated with all the vile things they're trying not to say.
My therapist had some great advice. Said that if I value a relationship with them, then the price for having that relationship is never discussing politics.
I'm willing to pay that price, so I told them not to bring it up anymore, and I'll do the same. It's working for the most part, though that doesn't stop other issues from coming up. But hey, that's life! Wouldn't be relatives if they didn't frustrate you endlessly, I guess?
I think them kicking you out over politics is, by itself, a good reason to go no-contact with them.
Well it was only for a day, they thought they could intimidate me out of supporting the candidate I preferred. They are not perfect, but I still value a relationship with them 🤷♂️
Sounds like you're going about it right at least - trying to set healthy boundaries is the best strategy to save such a relationship and if that fails you know for sure you just no longer have the foundation for any sort of meaningful progress.
If it helps, realize that it’s his insecurity coming out. Don’t be mad, be sad. Can you imagine being an adult and stilling acting like an edgy teen.
I refuse to talk politics with my family, regardless of who they endorse. It's not worth the arguments.
Yeah, I don't even like talking politics with people I agree with. My parents are lifelong Democrats and despise Trump, but they are absolutely obsessed with him in the same way that pro wrestling fans are obsessed with the latest heel. They just can't stop talking about him and whatever his latest line of bullshit is. Whereas my only hope for sanity is to tune this shit out as much as I possibly can.
I refuse to talk any subject which has multiple potential perspectives on with my dad. Even if I agree with him he makes me feel shit. That boomer self righteousness is repulsive.
That's a perfect description, same here.
I recommend disengaging immediately whenever they start to talk about politics. Hang up the phone, leave the room, etc. Tell them you won't discuss politics with them, but other than that, don't say a single word to them on any other topic until they agree to quit doing it. Rinse and repeat.
I started just hanging up on my dad exactly like you said, we haven't spoken in over a year. The last call was him defending the sex trafficking of a 14-year-old in Marine Barracks...