Don't forget "lying about how well everything is going".

I know people were saying it after Obama won in 2008, so it's definitely not new.

They're literally me.

They did not score enough fackin goals.

Apparently Reagan doesn't count as modern either.

Journalists are pretty much all failed authors so that makes sense.

Yeah I have white streaks at my temples and it looks pretty nice I think.

McDonald's!

This is making me feel real good about the fact that today is my last day before I'm laid off.

The first failson president.

If a pawn reaches the other side of the board it can turn into any piece. There's almost no reason to get anything other than a queen though so that's what everyone always takes.

One of my coworkers has been asking people this. Apparently I'm the only man she knows that doesn't think about Rome regularly.