NuanceUnderstander

I very badly want to live in the closest city to me instead of out here on the suburban / exurban edge. When I spend time down there I feel like I can just exist as a normal person when out and about. Out here I have to be recognized and see the same people all the time, get stared at by countless men rubbernecking out of their windows , and just feel generally a little unsafe in the ambient maga atmosphere. Not letting that force me into hiding myself tho I love being visibly trans .

I need the weather to stay warm so I can keep wearing crop tops because the world needs more t girl belly

I may be in love in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. Actually in a way I’ve never felt because it’s more than that. It’s more intense yet more matured and realistic. It’s more reciprocated, more all encompassing , like I’ve had connections in one area or another but this brings it all together. And the feeling doesn’t make me want to cling on too tightly , I’m not afraid and even if it was just a moment of this feeling I would be better off having had that moment. Fuck I’m so gay

Us officials telling cnn that the US is carrying out strikes on Iran https://www.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-iran-attack-02-28-26-hnk-intl

100 percent would rather spend any time I waste on video games getting outside and being around people and nature , but when I am stuck inside and doing stuff I enjoy however problematic I would just like the bare minimum of a muzzle being put on the most obnoxious cis white men that I unfortunately share spaces with so they don’t feel free and emboldened to spew slurs and hateful nonsense . Of course the corporations making billions off of them are not incentivized to do anything about it. Anyone reading this trivial discussion on media though should think about how much they’ve spent on video games or other cultural products and then click the link above and give some support to the people of Gaza .

Yes yes I know, and specifically one themed around “counter terrorism” so it attracts specifically the worst of the worst. I just like the strategic skill based nature of it , it’s one of the biggest esports for a reason. I also like milsim though. Shoutout arma reforger at least you can choose to only play as the Soviets and the people on that game tend to be a lot more chill surprisingly enough .

Fuck valve for not doing shit about hate speech I just want to play counter strike without dealing with the outrageous amounts of chud ass Nazis on the game. Most interactions I have there just strengthen my wishes for [REDACTED]

Had a therapy appointment for the first time in 10 years. They did not bring up my gender dysphoria diagnosis or my transness at all despite that being a pretty major development in my mental health since I last went. A trans friend have me resources though, so I’m going to go to one that specializes in lgbtq mental health so I don’t have to deal with cis ignorance

At least if you engage with a llm with caution you know it’s an algorithm that runs off the scraped data of the aggregated internet and thus can take everything it shows you with a massive grain of salt and sift through the pile of bs like when googling a question and sorting through Reddit threads to find scaps of ideas you find valuable. With so called professionals they have the appearance of authority which inclines you to trust them even though a good chunk of them have no idea what they are talking about half the time and just got through med school with daddy’s money and good test taking skills. This is more about my dislike of medical professionals than me liking llms though

Coming from the second category it is pretty absurd to realize despite having a clearheaded understanding of the external world that somehow I hadn’t applied that analysis to the internal for a long time. At the same time being a leftist and already having an understanding of the fucked nature of so called gender and social roles and oppression helped bring that understanding of myself when I was really ready for it. Still a little ridiculous tho

Felt deeply. Circumstance and material conditions can make that catharsis hard to find but without it one carries the weight of our collective suffering individually , and thats no way to live. Screaming into the void alone can only do so much .