this post was submitted on 20 May 2024
250 points (92.5% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26742 readers
3718 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] xfts@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

Immune to cancer And just to annoy people the "Make bell sounds at will" one

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Do I have full phase and state control of that 1 ml of water, and can also move it around, magneto style? Do I always keep all 1ml in my control?

You could cause a lot of havoc with that

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] JigglySackles@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

Being serious, answer any question and get the money. I'd invest the money and ask the truth of the existence of God just to end the fucking debate.

[–] ImWaitingForRetcons@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

My glitch: summon a Dr. Pepper can into Trump’s brain, then into Biden’s brain after 14.5 hrs, then Netanyahu’s, then Putin’s, then the evil Sudanese dudes’, then Xi Jinping’s, and so on and so forth.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] egonallanon@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago

Anyone who is saying anything other than take the random pill twice is a coward.

[–] Matriks404@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

I am not a materialist but nothing catches my eye that is good enough, so:

  1. 3 million dollars.
  2. A shoebox of like the rarest material that I could sell, but not something that can kill me or which half-life causes it to "evaporate" in a second.
[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

duplicate anything I own once

Does "once" here means this power can only be used once, or that any given item can only be duplicated one time?

Also - what can be duplicated?

  • Does it work on conceptual things? Can I duplicate my salary?
  • Does it work on organic things? Can I duplicate my own body?
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] dodgy_bagel@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (7 children)

Just throwing this out there... Summoning a DR pepper almost twice per day ANYWHERE is OP as fuck.

If you were a hitman, you couldn't exactly make it look like an accident, but you definitely wouldn't leave an evidence trail.

[–] crusty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You could summon a dr pepper up your enemy's ass every 14.5 hours

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 months ago (3 children)

If the shoebox one just magically removes stuff instead of needing real work or duplicating stuff then you could skip a lot of surgery, or just need with someone by asking for the bones in their hand or something

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Allero@lemmy.today 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

So essentially there's a lot of OP pills here:

  • Change skin color - wow, a great help in a heist or to make magic shows
  • Control all TVs in fast food places - you can literally roll unbannable propaganda for everyone to see!
  • Teleport to closest beach at any time - again, absolute save in heist; also, you'd be an amazing courier for some saltwater port!
  • Turds are silver - that's a loooot of silver
  • Summon a Dr.Pepper every 14,5 hours anywhere - just summon it into someone's head or into some mechanism and enjoy the show
  • Immune to cancer - now you're the leading patient for research against cancer! You are the key to ending it once and for all!
  • Shoebox with anything that can fit into it - fill to the brim with the most valuable resources in existence! Help humanity and earn some cash!
  • Control a single milliliter of water - you'll be a God of precise technology. Also, you can probably misplace a bit of important fluid in the body to kill a person.
  • Get the answer to any question once - that could be anything! The meaning of life, the universal physical theory, the way to build a just and wonderful world...you name it.
[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Change skin color - wow, a great help in a heist

Make skin white. Rob bank. Make skin nonwhite. Get arrested for "fitting the description."

[–] jpablo68@infosec.pub 4 points 5 months ago

Groundhog day for a year and immune to cancer is the only sane choice.

[–] the_dopamine_fiend@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

π million dollars and perfectly nutritious chocolate.

[–] RoyaltyInTraining@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Can you choose where Dr. Pepper bottle is summoned? If yes, you could just summon one in the throats of Putin, Trump, and anyone else who is a threat to global peace.

[–] mononomi@feddit.nl 4 points 5 months ago

Get the answer to any question seems like it would make me the next Einstein. Or the answer would be 42.

[–] Ledivin@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Shoebox full of gold. If my math is right, that comes out to roughly $8M or so. Not sure about second one

[–] derpgon@programming.dev 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Throw in a winning Eurojackpot ticket and a USB drive with some bitcoin.

[–] BobTheDestroyer@lemm.ee 3 points 5 months ago

The USB drive has wallet keys to every lost or forgotten bitcoin wallet since bitcoin was new.

"According to Fortune, around 2.9 million Bitcoins have been lost"

[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago (3 children)

"Change your skin color instantly any time" and "teleport to the closest beach at any time". I'll use them to rob banks. Before robbing the bank I'll change my skin color, and once I get the money I'll escape by teleporting to the beach - while changing my skin color at the same time (not to my original skin color though - that one I'll only use once I'm completely safe)

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] drathvedro@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Collapse civilization and "kill any one person of your choosing" on myself

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 5 points 5 months ago (4 children)

You can kill yourself without a pill; better take strawberry one

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago

Under normal circumstances, the black random pill would be completely up my alley, but not today.

With the shoebox pill, depending on shoebox size, I would give myself 5,000 $100USD bills ($500,000 total). Never said a thing about not getting money in the process, just that it has to exist.

Also, the bottom right corner 5 months experience pill. Definitely 5 months experience in charisma based manipulation (in both text and vocal form if possible) so I could get slightly ahead of others in life. Gotta work smarter, not harder sometimes.

[–] unimalion@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago

Black pill twice

22: nostrils 6: kill 1 person 13: collapse civilization 24: Black pill (again) 1: control all tvs in fast food 7: plants talk

I didn't want civilization to collapse but at least the plants will keep me company

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Fucking Roll

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Free fiberglass powder makes a great pocket sand

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›