this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2026
362 points (98.9% liked)

Not The Onion

22465 readers
1553 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 47 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Clbull@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Thought I'd check out Ifindretards on Twitter. Oh look, he's a transphobe, a homophobe, an anti-vaxxer, an Islamophobe, a racist and a Nazi sympathiser.

[–] EffortlessGrace@piefed.social 13 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

As an Indian American with Gujarati blood whose brother has Patel in-laws, I'd like to state that this ben-chode is a disgrace.

[–] Railcar8095@lemmy.world 9 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I don't speak Hindi, but I've heard "chode" enough times in Kimboga's channel to know it's not a good thing.

[–] ExperimentalGuy@programming.dev 9 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

It means sister fucker I think

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 7 points 4 hours ago

Benchode is sister fucker. Matachode is motherfucker.

[–] SnarkoPolo@lemmy.world 6 points 5 hours ago

One punchable face among an entire administration of them.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

this retard has to realize that this will only make it worse, right?

[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

There's a "Purple Shart" joke somewhere out there but it's too early in the day to waste any brain cells on anyone involved with trump.

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 38 points 9 hours ago (3 children)

Definitely an important national priority.

Finding and jailing a shitposter.

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

One day I wish to shitpost so hard the glowies show up.

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

It's an admirable goal.

I have difficulty understanding how Kash Patel can look in a mirror every morning and fail to acknowledge that he's one of the biggest douches in the universe.

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Don't worry, Kash Patel finds most things difficult to understand.

[–] A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

Well, except bestiality.

Thats AOK in his books, apparently. Possibly even encouraged for new FBI recruits.

[–] tal@lemmy.today 12 points 7 hours ago

"Fight", not "find". He was telling them to keep posting favorable posts in response to the guy. Which is, on one hand, is less concerning, but on the other hand...he's deploying FBI personnel to participate in flamewars on Twitter with a troll who insulted him.

[–] BillyClark@piefed.social 4 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, but jailing him for what? He didn't break any laws.

Honestly, I don't care if Kash Patel got his feelings hurt and responded personally as a citizen, but using any FBI resources on this is a complete waste of taxpayer money.

[–] duisgur@sh.itjust.works 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

As if not breaking a law has ever stopped a fascist from arresting, raping and murdering an innocent citizen.

[–] Burn_The_Right@lemmy.today 1 points 2 hours ago

That's the conservative way!

[–] BenVimes@lemmy.ca 53 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

Just as as outside observer, the fact that Kash Patel was confirmed as FBI Director by the US Senate is one of the most glaring examples of Trump's complete capture of the Republican party. He seems so monumentally unqualified that I can't conclude his confirmation was the result of anything other than fear of reprisal on the part of the senators.

[–] dan1101@lemmy.world 8 points 8 hours ago

This was one nomination not one Democrat voted for. Two Republicas voted no, Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski.

[–] Carmakazi@piefed.social 17 points 11 hours ago

The FBI, evil as it is, has been in the way of the Trump regime since Mueller. They realistically couldn't make such an established federal law enforcement arm their personal SA like ICE is now, so they exacted their revenge and destroyed the organization so they could move forward with their coup.

[–] zane@infosec.pub 26 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] tal@lemmy.today 47 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

The February post said Patel’s “retard rating just went to all time highs. Congratulations Kash.”

Patel thought the post warranted a reply, and pressured agents to “continuously” respond with the bureau’s “record year results.”

I kind of feel that maybe, instead of passing laws to keep children off social media because they can't handle it, we should be focusing on keeping certain adults off because they can't handle it.

I'm fairly confident that a typical fifteen-year-old is more able to deal with social media comments than this.

EDIT: More seriously, though, maybe institutionalize that organizations should have a dedicated public relations team handle social media and not have leaders do so.

EDIT2: I remember reading through FOIA logs of phone messages for J. Edgar Hoover from back when he was running the FBI. The overwhelming majority were from people who were drunk or crackpots. At that point in time, we understood that there should be a secretary interfacing with said calls and screening them, where the leader never even sees the calls unless they're something actually significant and relevant. I feel like maybe organizational standards have not kept up with technology.

[–] Tyrq@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

You say that, but I don't know if I find that much more comforting than actually having all these lunatics unmask themselves so brazenly, it's actually kind of refreshing, honestly.

[–] IronBird@lemmy.world 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

same, i like it when my enemies feel comfortable enough to show their true colors

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 8 hours ago

It’s helpful if they ever aren’t in power, but I worry they have dropped the mask because they have the system rigged enough to never face consequences.

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 50 points 16 hours ago

You've messed with the wrong retard, mister.

[–] TWeaK@lemmy.today 48 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

...Is he wearing glasses with zero prescription, so that it makes him look smart?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 41 points 15 hours ago

its to hide his CRAZY-cocaine eyes.

[–] crispbacon99@lemmy.zip 63 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

He's found one too many retards this time

[–] smaximov@lemmy.world 9 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Rather, somewhere he is passed out, bug-eyed, and still rather confused about literally everything in the world.

[–] AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@piefed.social 29 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

He is THAT dense, isn't he? Fuck, he is thicker than mercury, dammit. How does he think this is gonna play?

i can't imagine the face of the guy replying to him trying to explain to him why answering to someone on the internet calling you names is not the best idea.

[–] TwodogsFighting 10 points 12 hours ago

Sir, you're a retard. Says so right here.

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 17 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

I guess he's never heard of the Streisand Effect.

That Twitter user must be laughing hysterically right now. The FBI Director just gave him more PR than he could have dreamed of.

[–] tal@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

That Twitter user must be laughing hysterically right now.

He seems to be enjoying it.

https://x.com/IfindRetards?lang=en

We got Jake Tapper to say "retard" on CNN.

Wild times.

That comment presently has 15k likes and 648k views, for Director Patel's statistics.

[–] A_norny_mousse@piefed.zip 11 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

After he gets his well-deserved fallout from this, let's rename it the Kash effect. Or does Patel effect sound better?

Wouldn't that be the biggest Streisand effect ever.

[–] adarza@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 hours ago

just 'kosh'.. like, "man, that tweet koshed so fucking hard"

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 8 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] gnutrino@programming.dev 8 points 15 hours ago

Denser than a neutron star

Isn't that one of Musk's sock puppets?

[–] A_norny_mousse@piefed.zip 13 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Doesn't understand 277,000 views are not the same as 400 replies. But opinionated about antisocial media. Sheesh.

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 10 points 16 hours ago

His hands look pretty small too

[–] canaryWart@programming.dev 5 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (2 children)

Clicked 3 times and the article won't open. Title?

[–] HonoraryMancunian@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago

FBI Director Kash Patel was so upset about being criticized on social media that he directed bureau agents to find offending accounts and respond to them.

On Thursday, journalist Seth Hettena found texts released by the FBI under the Freedom of Information Act showing conversations where Patel ordered the FBI’s Assistant Director for Public Affairs, Ben Williamson, to respond to a X poster with the name “Ifindretards.”

The February post said Patel’s “retard rating just went to all time highs. Congratulations Kash.”

Patel thought the post warranted a reply, and pressured agents to “continuously” respond with the bureau’s “record year results.” Hettena simulated how the text exchange would look on an iPhone:

When Williamson protested that responding to @IfindRetards would “look bad” on Patel, the director responded that “it’s not about them, it is about the number of views, because people see it and need to be seeing our stats.”

It’s quite a waste of FBI resources to go after an online troll, but Patel has been overly concerned with social media throughout his tenure, revealing sensitive information from multiple investigations including the Charlie Kirk assassination. Patel isn’t particularly concerned about the bureau’s resources, either, having used them to jet-set around the world partying and hanging out with his singer girlfriend.

Patel only has his job because of his loyalty to President Trump, publishing an enemies list before Trump was elected in 2024. Since he was narrowly confirmed by the Senate last year, Patel’s stewardship of the FBI has been marked by scandal after scandal, and he quickly lost the confidence of the agents under his command. Right now, the only reason Patel still has his job is that he hasn’t lost the confidence of the president