this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026
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[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 64 points 3 weeks ago (16 children)

I do this with Trump supporters in my family.

Not trump voters, Trump supporters. To this day, they don't regret their vote, and they actively support.

Human garbage.

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 36 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Tbh, anyone who voted for him a second time is equally as bad. They saw the first round and weren't mortified.

[–] RyanDownyJr@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Good thing they will have a 3rd chance voting for him to get it right!

hopefully /s?

[–] EnchiladaRaisins@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 weeks ago

They have already had three chances to vote for him. Anyone who voted for him in 2016 is a forgivable idiot. Anyone who voted for him in 2020 approves of everything he did in his first term. Anyone who voted for him in 2024 approves of everything he did in his first term AND approves of what happened on January 6th. Voting for him after that is not forgivable.

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[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 59 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think the expectation that you cut off your friends when they do something you don't like is a little out of control though... I've definitely lost friends over the way they treat their children but there are some steps before that imo.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 46 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, like talk to them. Which is in OP's main point.

[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh, I see. I read that as two separate points and not a continuation of the same thought.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I was agreeing with you, lol. I see that sounds snarky too now that I reread it. My bad.

[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 4 points 3 weeks ago

Lol that's okay! It was clear we were both thinking the same things about it anyway regardless of internet ambiguity in tone

[–] KassioAug@piefed.social 31 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (8 children)

That's a stupid take. If you 'normalize shaming' (which, to be fair, is quite common nowadays unfortunately) for things you don't agree with, you will make your own life miserable, and people will hate you for a good reason.

Sure you should talk to friends and family when you see them acting problematic, nothing wrong with that. But shaming people for things you THINK you understand (when you most certainly don't) is the fastest way to push people away.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"side piece" being problematic in itself, there are many who would use this wrongly.

A family who sees someone with a partner they don't approve of, the extremely religious not accepting divorce/remarriage etc

[–] WaxRhetorical@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

Don't worry, a lot of these people are already very vocal about this, they don't need some post online to start being shitty.

[–] chrislowles@lemmy.zip 6 points 3 weeks ago

And isn't the entire internet just a giant indifferent shaming machine now? Like I get the desire to right wrongs and whatnot but it's not like the general consensus around cheating or being a deadbeat is positive.

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[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 26 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Shame monogamists who shame open relationships

[–] iceonfire1@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Not all ppl in an open relationship agree on what it is though. Ethical non-monogamy and cheating treat ppl very differently and I reserve my right to shame accordingly.

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[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

Both is good. If you’re poly, you can say that. By bringing a different date from your spouse, you are essentially outing yourself as poly already, you should expect questions if the group you’re doing this with doesn’t know, especially if it’s family you’re close to (I’m assuming they are at least in steady contact, given that they’re having family parties).

I can’t really imagine one of my siblings bringing someone other than their spouse to a family party, but I’d have some questions for sure. I also love and trust my siblings, so if they told me their relationship was open, I’d believe them and fully accept their polyamory. I’d probably be confused that they wanted to come out like that, but I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Once enough time had passed for them to be secure that I really accepted them, I’d probably ask why, but I wouldn’t be mad no matter what they said, even if they didn’t want to explain it.

If they were cheating on their spouses, I would not accept that, unless they were in a long term abusive situation and trying to escape. Otherwise, I would leave if it weren’t my house and ask them to leave if it were.

[–] fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com 5 points 3 weeks ago

We can extend this out. "If it doesn't involve you, it doesn't require your approval."

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"You just want an open relationship so you have an excuse to cheat!"

  • person who doesn't think about things or understand them
[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

It’s only cheating if it’s not a part of the plan, whether it’s a relationship or anything else.

In go fish, lying about what you have in your hand is cheating. In a closed book exam, using your notes is. Nobody says that people want to play a bluffing game or take an open-book exam because they want to cheat. At most, people will say that someone wants those things because they will perform better under those circumstances, which, while not phrased well, is also true of poly people in monogamous relationships (and very much vice versa- especially for monogamous people who can only conceive of polyamory as cheating), no? It’s not a choice to be polyamorous, and people who are won’t be as fulfilled by a monogamous relationship.

That doesn’t mean they’ll cheat on a monogamous partner, because that is a choice (and frankly, I suspect poly people are less likely to cheat than monogamous people because of the emotional work they’ve already done to realize that they’re poly- I only know one poly person who is a serial cheater, and that’s because he refuses to do any of the required emotional labor to make enm work, so he does just continually get into “monogamous” relationships; whereas I know many monogamous people who are currently or were previously serial cheaters).

Additionally, just as looking at your opponent’s cards or your classmate’s answers are still cheating in bluffing games and open book tests, dating or romantically/sexually interacting with someone outside of what is agreed upon in a poly relationship is still cheating. Poly people don’t have an excuse to cheat at all, and in fact have a greater responsibility not to, given the larger number of people whose health depends on their transparency.

[–] thevoidzero@lemmy.world 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Ostracizing used to work because we needed community. Now they will just go on the Internet and find hundreds if not thousands pro approve what they're doing.

And whatever the "village" did for a person can be bought with money. And people don't really do free work for you anyway, maybe your immediate family but that's about it. So people are more and more individualistic.

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[–] CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

I can’t even imagine NOT saying a LOT of stuff if someone in my family I knew was in a monogamous relationship brought someone they were cheating with to a family function. I’d immediately tell on them then tell them I told on them right after and if they didn’t leave right away I’d be grilling them both until they did, what else even is there to do?? Just sit there and act like it’s normal? How??

[–] jtrek@startrek.website 13 points 3 weeks ago

Many people are terrified of being uncomfortable and confrontation

[–] FearMeAndDecay@literature.cafe 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Certain members of my family would come after me for "causing trouble" if I called someone out like that. They'd be like "you should really deal with that sort of thing privately. Like yes he was in the wrong but you could've handled that better." Luckily, the rest of my family would then go after those certain family members for saying that

Point is, a lot of people were raised with tbe mentality that they need to preserve the family dignity and image and calling out someone for doing something objectively wrong is worse bc it calls even more attention to it. Getting out of that mentality is difficult. Still fucked up tho

Edit for clarity

[–] CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

What family dignity is there when you’re openly cheating on your partner though??

[–] Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

It seem backwards right? But my mothers side is like this. its a different line of thinking.

They were mad when I told on my stepfather for molesting my sister. Like, both familes were mad at me for getting my sister out of a really dangerous sistuation. He might have killed her had I not spoken up. It was bad bad. And my whole ass family responded by not trusting me anymore, and treating me even more like shit. Why?

Because at least on my mothers side, they had been hiding my grandfathers transgressions which included raping his daughters decades prior. Took me a decade to work it out. Thats why they didnt trust me. I expose secrets that harm people, secrets they didnt want revealed about the family, and heaven forbid you protect your children, the neighbors might gossip. Its a paralell to a pig with lipstick on. But as long as everyone only sees the lipstick, they can go on being pigs. They believe the lie, because the lie is outwardly appearing as truth.

and everyone goes along with the lie that things are "normal and fine" until a truth teller comes. then they hate you for disturbing thier truth (lie).

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[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 17 points 3 weeks ago

The balls of someone bringing their side piece to a BBQ. There are families and friends that wouldn't call out that shit? I mean I get one or two but a whole BBQ of ppl?

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Can't wait for people to stop saying normalize

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 34 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Normalize not using normalize

[–] NotSteve_@lemmy.ca 14 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Normalise non American spelling :)

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[–] baronvonj@piefed.social 4 points 3 weeks ago

Normalmaxx not using normalize

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 3 weeks ago

Deweird the sitch.

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[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If we all did this the narcissists would have no power left

[–] VitoRobles@lemmy.today 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

They would still have their manosphere podcasts

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[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Married people bring sude pieces to family events? Thats fucking wild. Not terribly surprising, but wild.

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[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

Okay, but only for reprehensible behavior. Don't shame them because they're poor or because they're having mental health issues.

[–] CaptainHowdy@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is normalized already. I would call out a friend or relative for these things. I do hold people close to me accountable for things I deem "poor behavior".

But also, how normalized should it be to judge people? Your coworker doesn't show up to church every Sunday? Shun them at work. Found out a new friend doesn't see their family because they used to have substance abuse problems? Cut them off. Neighbors don't speak English? Call ice. Your friend converted to Islam and now wears a hijab? Confront her husband.

I'm sure this will get downvoted, but I just wanna point out that people all have different values and openly judging or criticizing people for their lives can lead to the sorts of echo chambers and social bubbles we see today.

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[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 6 points 3 weeks ago

People, especially idiot chuds, are rarely so self-reflective as to think they've lost a friend because of something they've done. Usually they'll blame everyone around them for everything for their whole lives.

Shame relies not just on one person calling you out, but everyone calling you out.

@NickTheLuvCoach

🤔

[–] whereitsat@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 weeks ago

this is a great sentiment if everyone around you is rational, intelligent and sophisticated. but they're fucking not.

my mother terrorized my sister and i as children and everyone in the family knew about the abuse. but she's ok.

me? i don't get invited to the family BBQs because i experimented with psychedelics.

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Also, if you've ever said "how I raise my kids is my business", you might be a shit parent

[–] atx_aquarian@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Depends on context, too. Counter-point, for example: "You let your boy wear pink? He's gonna be a sissy." "You should take your kids to the church the rest of us go to." "She/he's too young/old to do ___." I could imagine a few good reasons to tell people to mind their own business.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Cutting someone off isn't holding them accountable.

Are we seriously suggesting it is? This is slacktivism at it's finest.

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 7 points 3 weeks ago

slacktivism

I came mentally unprepared for another piece of internet lingo

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