this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2026
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[–] chunes@lemmy.world 143 points 6 days ago (10 children)

The last thing they said. I'll never have to say "What?" 4 times in a row again.

[–] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 42 points 6 days ago (1 children)

You win. The amount of times I've wished the real world had subtitles...

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[–] Akh@lemmy.world 122 points 6 days ago (7 children)

Number of times they molested kids.

[–] sunsofold@lemmy.zip 63 points 6 days ago (5 children)

Monkey paw's finger curls: You can see them. They're EVERYWHERE. People you thought you knew and loved have numbers greater than zero over their head. Despite your horror, you try to make use of the power to try to bring them to justice. No one believes you. You have the Cassandra's curse of the status quo. 'Steve? What are you talking about? He'd never do anything like that. Butter wouldn't melt. You should probably shut your mouth before we get offended about what you said about our friend and kick the shit out of you. Know what I mean?' You watch the news and see everyone who has a position of power over you and your loved ones has a non-zero number. You try to escape into fictional media but your favorite actors are non-zeroes, the author pictures in your favorite books show non-zeroes, the album sleeves of your favorite bands show non-zeroes.

Knowledge can be a burden.

[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Justice can be brought without anyone believing a thing you say.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 28 points 6 days ago (4 children)

Ehh. Serial killers tend to only get so far.

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[–] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 39 points 6 days ago

We truly live in the worst timeline that this would even be considered.

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[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 73 points 6 days ago (10 children)

First name.

"Hey Janine, can you move your cart out of the way, thanks, gonna get by here and go get some ice cream sandwiches."

"Excuse me, Ravi, trying to get off the train, one moment, thanks."

"Oh hey, you're a Tanis too, just like me, neat!"

This will absolutely weird everyone out.

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[–] anon_8675309@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

Lies per hour

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 14 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Time left to live. There's plenty of useful things that tell you more about a person, but shinigami eyes would let you save lives and know it, even if no one else does

And if it turns out the number can't be changed through your actions, that would tell you a lot. If nothing else, you could say goodbye to loved ones and get incredibly rich by finding a CEO about to run out of time

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[–] Kiernian@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Fucks left to give.

Basically, how many spoons someone has left, or how much bad and/or taxing stuff they're capable of bearing today.

This would serve two purposes. One. It'd allow me to communicate more carefully or gently with those who require it, two, it'd give me real time feedback on shit I might've doing that's causing a disproportionate amount of harm to someone else.

Ex: I can be in a wonderful mood and capable of taking all kinds of bad news, but asking me to go out of my way to do an act of service for someone else as a show of affection while I'm in the middle of some self-care after I've spent all day working in a service industry will tank my remaining fucks immediately. I'm absolutely certain that others around me have similar reactions to things that I do, and if I could see what they were, I could stop doing them inadvertently.

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[–] ladybugs@lemmy.world 18 points 5 days ago (2 children)

None. Someday, some company will build and sell a tool that actually does that, and it will be hella privacy invasive. Actually, it'll probably just be another invasive feature added to the Ray Ban perv glasses.

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[–] MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago (5 children)
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[–] ToiletFlushShowerScream@piefed.world 55 points 6 days ago (9 children)

How likely they are to have sex with me this very second behind those bushes over there.

Good God I'm shallow sometimes...

[–] zikzak025@lemmy.world 75 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (3 children)

"This stupid stat is broken, it just shows 0 for everybody."

[–] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 25 points 6 days ago

Laughs in ugly

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[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 52 points 6 days ago (15 children)

Realtime running count of lies told

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[–] Doom@lemmy.world 31 points 5 days ago (2 children)

An icon to indicate if they washed their hands after the last time they used the bathroom.

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[–] Zacryon@feddit.org 12 points 5 days ago (4 children)

Asshole ratio: 0 % = best person in the world.
100 % = worst person in the world.

Computed as an average of bad "actions" with respect to all actions.

Good and bad evaluated with respect to proven positive impact on people's lifes and the planet.

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[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago (4 children)

moralistic integrity in comparison to social norms.

it's basically a good vs evil bar.

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[–] BodePlotHole@lemmy.world 30 points 5 days ago (3 children)

A scale of 1-10 at how likely we could be friends.

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[–] fruitycoder@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Times they told the truth.

If it's objective truth, sweet! Motherload I can asking anyone the a question to the secrets of the universe and know whether they're wild guess was true!

If it's subjective truth, also useful, but you know just lies or ignorance detector

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[–] pHr34kY@lemmy.world 21 points 5 days ago (13 children)

Number of cumulative years they would be imprisoned for, had they been caught and convicted of every single crime they ever committed.

I'm betting most adults are not at zero.

[–] axx@slrpnk.net 11 points 5 days ago

Crime is such a subjective, context and time dépendant metric that it makes no sense to use here.

Are you one of those people who thinks things being legal equates to things being moral?

[–] Doom@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

This wouldn't impart any useful information in a world where rapist pedophiles get time served and protesters get a life sentence for being adjacent to another crime handing out zines.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 28 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

Healthbar.

"Hey, fuck you! I'm gonna kick your ass, man!"

"Mighty big talk for someone who only has 4hp."

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[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 39 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (3 children)

Is "how much I would like them on a scale from 0 to 10 (with a resolution of like 0.01) if I got to know them at a deep level" allowed? Or is that cheating?

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[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 14 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (4 children)

Number of days since they finished reading a book.

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[–] redwattlebird@thelemmy.club 22 points 5 days ago (2 children)

A boolean indicating if they want a conversation or not

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[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 32 points 6 days ago (4 children)

I'm here to toot for the "lifetime farts" number

[–] fork@feddit.online 23 points 6 days ago (6 children)

I was gonna say a percentage of how close they are to their next fart, lol.

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[–] tuckerm@feddit.online 24 points 5 days ago (11 children)

Some kind of "empathy score." Not sure what the formula would be, but it would reflect how readily they feel empathy for another person, and how many other people they can care about.

A narcissist would have a 0 -- they can only care about themself. Someone with very limited empathy would have a small number -- say, they can only care about their immediate family, and they need to really get to know someone before they care about that person. People who naturally care about others, even if they don't know the other person, would have high numbers.

This number would sometimes just flat out tell you that certain people should be avoided, or certain conversations are pointless with that person. Or if you do need to try to convince them of something, the number may show you how to frame the conversation. E.g., show how it's in their own interest if they have a low number.

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[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago (6 children)
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[–] mp3@lemmy.ca 31 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (6 children)

% of how genuine they are with me, easy to figure out who's worth the time and who isn't.

Could be a problem in a relationship tho. I take it back, just the cumulative numbers of fart in a lifetime.

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[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 29 points 6 days ago (5 children)

all the others seem a lot more invasive, so I'll go with their pronouns/gender so I never have to ask and be awkward

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[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 30 points 6 days ago (5 children)

The time and date of their death.

[–] Dave@lemmy.nz 41 points 6 days ago (7 children)

It would be interesting to see this update in realtime. You see someone about to get in their car, with a death time 5 mins from now. You call out "hey", they stop, see you were talking to someone else. The date updates to 30 years in the future, as that momentary pause meant they won't be in the place they would have when someone runs a red light.

Somewhere unseen, someone's number changes from 20 years away to 5 mins away.

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[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 14 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Number of times they've lied

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 11 points 5 days ago

You could cheese this by picking a statistic for something like "likelihood to agree if asked for a favor". I'm not going to stress over the wording on how to make it most useful, but something like that could be interesting.

Or something like "amount of undiagnosed cancers" if you want to save people.

[–] nullify3112@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago

I just want a music player indicator to see what they are listening to without have to listen to their music. What they listen to can be pretty telling.

Would be magic if I could press pause as well, for the people without headphones on the train.

[–] Artisian@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Their net benefit (or harm) to humanity; measured in QALYs.

A generalization on the crimes score, but it also tells me who to befriend. I'm not a utilitarian, but it still seems like helpful data.

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[–] petrichornetrainfall@piefed.social 20 points 5 days ago (1 children)

A percentage of how much our core values/morals/beliefs align, weighted by how important they are to us.

It would make it super easy to know upfront who I should include in my life and who I shouldnt.

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[–] felsiq@piefed.zip 21 points 6 days ago (2 children)

How willing they are to talk to you right now. You can always pick the right person to talk to if you need to ask a question, give a friend the exact amount of space they need if they’re going thru something, and easily identify people that are interested in you (or not). Best of all, though, you can spot someone who’s a little too eager to talk and avoid a hostage-style conversation where they won’t let you leave politely

[–] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 24 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Your eyes scan the room, skimming the numbers. Everyone is in their own conversation, 20, 35, 15, nothing promising until you spot an 85. Their back is turned but you make your way through the crowd to their side of the room. You say "Hey", and they turn, and as soon at they see you their number starts to drop. 75, 60 45, 10. Ouch, sometimes you wonder why you even try.

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[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 5 points 4 days ago

Limit underbreak brave quotient

[–] memfree@piefed.social 11 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Quality of Life impact: How much damage (or benefit) their actions (work, lifestyle, whatever) have done for the net quality of life across the globe. I figure anyone who drives to work is probably doing a little more harm than good, but perhaps they make up for it by being a good school teacher or something, whereas AI coders might make things worse ... but mostly I'd like to see if ANY world leaders score in the positive.

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