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In my core friend group, there's one couple that started a routine "third Saturday" dinner party. They'd host consistently basically every month, kind of open house. If you can make it, great. If not, see you next month! It did wonders for keeping the group together in spite of kids, job changes, life disruptions, etc.
Maybe something similar would work in your case?
Yes, this works well!
I did this with my mates at the pub once a month. An hour or two over a quiet beer, no pressure, just a casual catch-up if you could make it. Couldn't get everyone each month but across the year we had seen everyone much more than normal
I thought it was absolute genius when they first explained it when I started hanging out with them. It started with an RPG I was playing, one of the guys in that group said "Hey, a buddy might like to join us..." and that buddy was one of the people who hosted the monthly party. That was ... oof, like 20 years ago.
Dammit, now I feel old.
Yeah, that is a good idea!
SLPT: Sow the seeds of divorce. Then you get every other weekend to hang out with your friends kid-free. Bonus points if you manage to stay friends with both sides, you get 50% of your friends available every weekend!
Mwahhaha
I had my prior life completely destroyed, and spent about 5 years getting my health together, and last August began integrating myself back into society. Starting with zero social network, in just a few months of dance classes and social dancing, I have more friends and things to do than I've ever had in my life. I do swing/Lindy Hop, which is popular in my area, and also some ballroom dancing, but a lot of people do Salsa/Bachata. I cannot overstate how awesome this has been for meeting people. As a single man, it's especially powerful, as you have an easy introduction ("would you like to dance?"), you're immediately in their intimate space, and if you're any good at all you're delivering a fun, custom choreographed experience that lights their face and makes them smile from ear to ear. At 60 years old, my social life has never been better, and I'm having fun with attractive women of all age ranges.
How do you learn to social dance?
All of the dance classes I take include some amount of social dancing after, so that you can practice what you've learned. Everyone is very friendly and will dance with you, as they're all there to learn. For popular dances, there will be bars and nightclubs with music and dancing. With swing, I can easily go to events 5-7 nights per week, many of them free. I've found the community friendly and helpful, and we coordinate which events we're going to via a whatsapp thread.
You need a 3rd space. Join a sport/hobby/club.
The real problem is meeting people while being selective. Hosting events and posting online is an option but you literally can't be selective and you'll have to be okay with nobody showing up sometimes. Attending other peoples events might suit you though!
You could make friends through a multiplayer games dischord.
Going to the same place regularly is a good one. Cafes, Book stores, etc can be 3rd spaces, especially if they host community events. Bars as well but that isn't gonna contribute to a healthy lifestyle.
Younger crowd works for a bit in your early 30s but every year past 35 it feels less and less natural. It's not just generational, like they're in a completely different phase of life. At a certain point you're just not growing up tbbh.
RE people with kids, you gotta just accept that they'll participate when they can.
Just to repeat whatever other people are saying here: Join any scheduled activity that happens weekly.
You can do yoga, spinning, sports when they have 30+ groups, dancing, pottery class, painting class, hiking groups etc.
You can also convert other friend sources to board game groups via house parties where you have easy games first then bring out harder stuff later.
hobbies
Yes, I have a million hobbies, but they dont exactly result in friends to chill with
Join a local woodworking guild.
Step 1: move to a big city with high rental cost in which having kids is not feasable for young families. Step 2: start a social hobby there Step 3: life the hedonistic lifestyle!
Look into volunteering some of your free time. Search for opportunities that put you out among people, do the things parents don't have time or energy for. It's okay if helping the community isn't your main motivation, the work doesn't care who does it. And it self-selects the other participants to be somewhat like yourself, especially if you let your interests drive your choice of where to donate your time.
I have thought community gardening would be fun
it is but I did not meet many people when doing it. Everyone is coming at odd hours as they get them to quickly go over their plot. Except for maybe getting it started I was only there for like 15min spans.
That makes sense. Its not really a time slot sort of thing
That's a great idea.
(fyi I am not sponsored, I've just used these and liked them)
I'm in a similar boat, but I've had good luck with just finding clubs and going through meetup. Even if you only go once or twice it's still something new to do.
Volunteering is always a good option too, gets you out and meeting people and you get to help your community. The parks and food banks especially always need volunteers.
And the last one I'll recommend is an app called Timeleft. It's paid ($20 a month) but you get to basically pick from the events they have and either go for dinner or coffee and meet with 6 random others on the app. I like it because there no pressure, it's not a dating app or anything, and you get to just hang with some open minded people for a few hours and chat. Everyone is identified so there's safety with it, and after each event you get to give out (and receive) little impressions like "Who felt the most welcoming", "who was good at leading conversation", "who was a good listener" etc.
Either way, it can feel challenging sometimes, but the options are out there. And as always, don't be afraid to host something and just throw the invites out, worst case people are too busy but most of the time people want to hang out, they just don't want to plan it.
I'll be honest I don't know how much the advice will work.
The advice is simple: do social stuff, be social, and you'll end up in a social group.
That being said, the advice is (a) mind-numbingly "have you tried putting one foot in front of the other foot" for someone that knows how to make friends, and (b) the advice is damn near useless/impossible for someone that doesn't know how to make friends.
Personally, I'm in group B. I don't know how to find clubs where people do stuff. I don't know how to find a place to volunteer.
It sounds crazy in 2026 but check your local library.
I have unironically tried that. They looked at me like I was in fact crazy once I clarified that I did not wish to enroll a child in their arts and crafts thing.
cons. go to the next dragon con.
Real talk. Got a small con near me that attracts some surprisingly big names. I've made a couple friends there not even trying.
Many queer people, including couples. Some do of course, but the majority do not.
just cruising or walking around outdoors etc
Hiking clubs, cycling groups, and other hobby clubs. Even potluck dinners. Yeah, some older people will try to find ways to get free time and touch base.
Dead ass though, if you like nerdy stuff, go to conventions.
TTRPGs
I'm nearly 43, so at the prime age of struggling to keep friendships alive. Here's what I do - I appreciate I am not exactly a typical person - but also I don't have kids which makes me slightly different anyway.
I do comedy a lot. Helps with making friends.
I also run in a run club
I take classes - comedy/clown (i trained at a clown school instead of going to university), acting, swordfighting, tap dancing, music. Music is usually 1:1 but then I go to comedy and music jams and meet people.
But one can extrapolate to - pottery, painting, robot building, hackathons, book clubs, political groups, conservation, hiking...
Usually I wait til week 2 or 3 and suggest grabbing a bite or a drink before or after class. Do it enough and you just end up with friends who invite you to birthday parties and shit and now you have friends.
And then my wife's friends all have partners and we've formed a HABS (husbands and boyfriends) movie club. We are currently watching a Sylvester Stallone movie once a week.
Gay bars would probably be a statistically better place
stay the absolute fuck out of gay bars if you are straight and cis tho
I'm still mad the only gay dance club in my city got run over by the straights. Absolutely ruined.
Oh jeez, so much this. They come in, treat the place like a zoo, spoil the vibe, and behave like they're in charge.
It's like that allegory about the Nazi bar, LGBT spaces need constant vigilance against this sort of shit.
buy an island and you'll find lots of people without kids that like them.
Club.
Joined a choir and a wind band last year, now I'm on first name basis with the mayor. I didn't realise that especially the wind band was full of well-connected people.
Join a club, try to find others that are like-minded. I've got friends who are recent parents and it made me have a look at my social circle and figured it was time to expand my social circle.
Lots of people are feeling lonely simply because they don't know where to meet any new people. I'd say see if your place of residence has some sort of meeting center where you could organise something. If only one person shows up it might be a success already.
I retired young, at 38 years old, and moved back to my old hometown. All my childhood friends have since moved away from this place, so I had no local friends when I came home.
I'm now 42. In those past 4 years, I've made exactly 3 friends. None of which live close to me. None of which I visit more than once or twice a year.
My wife has made no friends in that time. She's a bigger introvert than me, choosing to stay in bed 60-70% of the day and going weeks without ever leaving the house. She laments not having any friends, but then won't make the effort to get to know anyone.
Trying to make friends later in life without kids is hard. Especially as an introvert. And it's not like I just sit around the house all day like my wife. I'm actively going into town and doing stuff. But it's hard to strike up conversations with strangers and find common interests.
Wait, why would you move back to a town everyone left? If i retired at 38 I'd be traveling and not living anywhere near my home town.
I feel like it is harder for women to make friends. Idk why that is.
Buy yeah its hard. I also feel like I scare people off by being too friendly, especially in today's "stare at your phone all the time" world.
Wait, why would you move back to a town everyone left? If i retired at 38 I'd be traveling and not living anywhere near my home town.
I spent 20 years traveling the world and living abroad with the US military. I've explored most of Europe, Asia, a little of Africa, and a brief visit to the Middle East (that last one was not fun travel), and as much as I enjoyed it, I realized I was starting to miss my hometown.
My hometown is nearby to a massive US city, so most people here just move to the city. Or get their college education there and then move on to another large metropolitan area in the US. My hometown is a beautiful place to settle down, but most people my age aren't ready for that yet. Hence why all of my friends have left town.
My wife and I still have plans to travel, but we're waiting for our elderly dog to finally pass away. He gets stressed with us just being gone for a day, so leaving him in a kennel while we go on vacation might kill him.
We paid for an expensive kennel where he got his own "suite" with a soft bed, tons of toys, TV playing doggy films all day, and multiple one-on-one play sessions with employees outdoors, and he still lost 5 lbs from stress in a week! And it's a place he's familiar with; we used to send him and our other dog there before she passed away. Since losing his partner, he just can't handle being away from my wife and I for extended stretches of time. He's extremely needy and anxious.
So one day we'll get back out and revisit some of the wonderful places we lived abroad again. But for now, we're just enjoying the quiet life back home.
The military was stressful for us, always having to be somewhere, accomplishing something, and adhering to a strict schedule. Our personal lives were always secondary to our jobs and you couldn't just quit. You were locked into a multi-year contract that could only be broken by doing something illegal and going to jail. So having the freedom to plan my own schedule and do whatever I want with my life is kind of nice.
Bumble BFF?
If you have hobbies, find stores or meet ups for people with a similar interest.
