Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Matrix Group Chat:
Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://rentry.co/tracha (Includes rules and invite link)
π³οΈββ§οΈ Transmasculine Pride Ring π³οΈββ§οΈ
I forgot that it's my mega week so no big info dump this time. Instead I bring a question: how do you practice gender self-care? Do you have any activities or rituals that make you feel more comfortable in your gender? Painting my nails and taking care of my hair are the most consistent ones. These shouldn't even be considered gendered activities by society, but I missed out on having long hair and painted nails when I was younger because of my assigned gender, so doing them now feels validating and gives me confidence.
Join our public Matrix server!
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
Alisu* (6/15 - 6/21)
peanutbuttercupola* (6/22 - 6/28)
Disaster_of_Passion* (6/29 - 7/5)
Eco* (7/6 - 7/12)
nemmybun* (7/13 - 7/19)
Shaleesh* (7/20 - 7/26)
SwitchyandWitchy* (7/27 - 8/2)
Busgirl* (8/3 - 8/9)
GayTuckerCarlson* (8/10 - 8/16)
β * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
negativity, dysphoria, transphobia
I hate being trans. I hate this experience. I hate society. I hate all the things I have to do. I hate the healthcare I need to hopefully feel normal in my body. I HATE SOCIETY. ALL OF THEM FUCKERS. I hate everything being wrong. I hate all the things being trans robbed me of. I hate the depression it gave me. I hate this being it. I hate cis people. I hate how they view us. I hate how even simple things get distorted and trampled on.
I feel very deflated. I could give up and die right now.
Why did I even feel so good lately. I didn't understand it at the time and I still don't.
the bit of my brain that's supposed to tell me comforting lies to make life able to be lived is broken can I get a replacement
I don't need a whole ass afterlife or anything I just need to think like 70% of people are good or some bullshit like that
My friends and I watched Twilight and tbh it was pretty fun. Guess we're watching them all now 
They were fun and so dumb but so fun!!!
And so Mormon, I love that Edward chides Bella for engaging in the extremely rebellious activity of drinking coco cola (before the Mormon church changed its opinion on cold caffeinated drinks π)
Arranging Hookups To Host For Motivation To Clean Your Depression Nest: A Self Care Guide for Depressed Sluts by u/EstraDoll: Now in bookstores near you
I interacted with 3 strangers yesterday and was gendered correctly by each of them! I wasn't even dressed femme, just a t-shirt and jeans. I was feeling like utter shit yesterday mentally and that stopped me from sharing, but I didn't want this positivity to just die in my sea of depression. I also really hope the injection I did a little while ago helps with that.
No I'm not crying watching the Northernlion Road to Empress 2 playthrough
It's not happening 
Shonen fans would loose their minds if the mc had this kinda arc
Fed up with both my jobs. Hate both. Trying to lock in for the last like month or two so I can save more but fuck.
Also when I move I'm probably going to be making like 35k, no idea how to do dick with that.
Also thinking about structural transphobia at work, fml. Why the fuck did u have to be born into this. In such a bad place rn.
You could check the median income in the area you're moving to.
Median is 50k. Maybe I can find a suburb or something that's cheaper.
E: these are genuinely all more expensive fuck my shitty trans life.
If it weren't for this and that I'd never have been depressed, would have gotten a chance at an actually decent job. Lost literally all the will to live because of all this. Fucking hell. Bitter.
Median is 50k
Oof. That does mean you'll have trouble (although even someone at 50k isn't well off in America).
these are genuinely all more expensive
Yeah that makes sense. Suburbs tend to have sprawl and gentrification. Maybe look for an inner city studio. Given the median income of where you're at, I think you could find one at 1200 a month? Or maybe less. Not too sure about American rents.
But if I were you I'd probably search with keywords related to students or other demographics expected to have limited budgets.
π Doesn't surprise me I'll be in trouble tbh
Can I afford 1200/month? I was looking and can definitely find apartments for that amount. I feel like a lot of them want your income to be 3x
Do those places usually rent to people who aren't students too though?
Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they do. Even just knowing the area for students can be useful as you can find cheap studios nearby.
Can I afford 1200/month?
1200/month is 14400 a year. 3 times that is 44200. So it's not entirely out of your range if you went down to 1100/month or 1000/month.
I didn't say you should look for 600/month because idk if that even exists in America. I live in such a place, but I live in the middle of bum fuck no where and commute hours by train.
Also you should definitely look for studios not apartment if rent affordability is an issue. I guess it makes it hard to bring people over, which is sad, but it's better than being at the financial edge.
Okay, I guess it's worth investigating then.
Yea I think that's what I'll have to be looking at, that's pretty much the cheapest I was able to find anything last time I looked. It was hard to find anything under like 1100. Wish there was 600/month options. Although I'm not trying to commute hours a day either. I'll look more later.
I think this is a culture difference, here I'm like 90% sure you can call studios apartments, the "full" "proper" name is a studio apartment.
Yeah I guess m2 is more relevant. I'm in 25 m2. House hunting fucking sucks tho.
I think this is a culture difference, here I'm like 90% sure you can call studios apartments, the "full" "proper" name is a studio apartment.
We just call em rooms. Even the main dutch website for getting ~~scammed~~ places is called "kamernet" (kamer means room).
Yeah I guess m2 is more relevant. I'm in 25 m2.
I don't know what this means
square meter
For a brief moment today I felt like I was actually useful. It turns out I had made a mistake. But not before letting everybody know about my great result (which was incorrectly generated).
Now I face the choice of telling the truth and facing consequences, or trying to fix the mistake and actually get good results before anyone notices.
If I can't, I'll tell them. But it's just ... I'd have liked to have at least one W.
Got 8 hours of sleep last night and like 10 the night before, why am I still tired and feel like shit though.
Sleep quality is everything. You can also try stretches before sleeping
Also bitter. I shouldn't have to see cis women when I'm like this.
dysphoria
Imagine having full tits and a waist
Just ridiculous everyone else gets to be blessed. And then the VAST majority of them feel no empathy to my struggles. Can't put themselves in my shoes and understand how awful this feels.
I feel so bitter. This is such bullshit. Now I have to suffer with this God awful body. Why can't I just look like everyone else. No I get to be fucking ugly and deformed and unattractive. Bitter. Why the hell do I have to go to work. And then bonus I get to see a bunch of fucking cis women my age. Who probably wouldn't support me and think I'm wierd all because of how I fucking look, all because I'm fucking trans. What a load of shit.
tits and waist
Like hopefully fingers crossed in half a decade my tits will be nearly fully in and I can afford 10 grand to get rib remodeling and then I can finally have a waist that's still twice as big as theirs. Yay!
I don't even know what will make me feel less bitter and shitty and dysphoric right now. Maybe some caffeine will help. Some caffeine and my vitamin. Fucking hell.
From the looks of it not looking at cis women will also help. Although avoiding women can be very tough ...
My gf so cool she says uwu all the time even in my dreams 
T-The weawth of those societies in which the boops your nose capitawist mode of pwoduction pwevaiws, pwesents itself as βan immense accumulation of c-commodities,β[1] its unyit b-being a singwe commodity. Ouw investigation must thewefowe begin with the boops your nose anyawysis of a commodity.
you fr 
MY MAYOR IS MUSLIM
MY BAGEL IS JEWISH
THE POPES ON MY SIDE
KNICKS WON IN 5
venting about hating emotions, lobotomy
Date idea, you take one of these:
and put it through my eye socket and cut the bit of my brain that makes me feel emotions. Then you can steal my wallet or whatever.
I am just so genuinely done with this. It's not even depression emotions. It's just ridiculous. They're more clear, more varied. I just hate them. I'm sick of it.
Estrogen, same thing happened to me. I liked it but it was very intense obviously.
I guess :kitty-cri: I just need less intensity.
If you have to, you can back off on your E - it might be intensifying your emotions, on the other hand youre going through a few life transitions lately too that might be turning everything up on the emotion dial (moving, gender transition, etc). And ultimately, I did like that I could feel emotions at a much more granular level than I could before and start reckoning with them when I couldnt before. Maybe its something you just gotta ride out and have as a new normal, no more big blob grease on your proverbial emotion lens
I don't know to what though, I'm doing mono therapy 4mg een/week. I need my T surpressed. I would love to not deal with this as strongly though.
It is much more granular.
I found progesterone calmed me down a lot, is that coming up as an option?
When I get to my new state I can try to figure out insurance and doctors and see if they'll give me a script. Right now I'm on diy so not really.
Oh okay that's rough. Sometimes it can be ordered greymarket from overseas but that can get seized.
I think it might help, everyone is different but I found it very stabilizing like a slow and steady bass to balance out the estrogen which was beautiful but all over the place.
Yea I feel like it could be a bit. Greymarket is also kinda expensive.
Oooh that's intriguing, thank you. Most of what I've heard was just horny and makes you sleep good. So it's good to know it helps in other ways because those two effects aren't that appealing to me (although breast growth is)
Orally it really helped my sleep but made me very emotional.
Rectally I have breast growth, a steadiness to my emotions and I'm feral horny.
In my case, it made me into a crier. I had a really unhealthy grip on my emotions for my whole life, I probably hadn't cried for a decade, but prog turned the water works back on and just never stopped.
Where's a chaser when you need him??
Went to an event in the city my trans femme coworker invited me to! It started out as a bigger group of trans girls but after a bit we just kinda peeled off and hung out by ourselves. Pretty much just talked, checked out some vendor stalls, got some interesting food and drink.
The event itself wasn't completely my jam but it was good to get out and socialize. Got to know my work friend a little better too
I was thinking of making one of my plushies my therapist but at this point they're all like my kids and I'd need a new possibly older plushies to do that. I'll figure something out maybe I'll make something or repurpose something to talk to.
If this cycling between crying and dissociating could stop that'd be great
BountifulEggnog's hot take of the day:
ALL trans people should be required to take a 4 week course in endocrinology specializing in sex hormones OR listen to an autist yap about the subject for 6 hours. Sick of trans people I love getting fucked over because they didn't know better.
BountifulEggnog's COLD take of the day:
All endos should face the wall
Slightly hyperbolic
imagining scenarios in my head and then upsetting myself