Are you DEPSERATE ENOUGH to WORK HERE!?
this post was submitted on 29 May 2026
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WE’RE A FAMILY. Now go to your cubicle without enough pay to afford dinner.
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>looks inside
>office job
Applies for "The Office: Operation Dwight"
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
Jim's camera
"Well here I go again...!"
When they also say "We're one big family here!". They don't say it's a dysfunctional one. 🌚
This has always been my problem with conflating "family" with "office". It's tragically subjective, and usually for the worse.
Some people have garbage family dynamics, with no counseling in sight. So these same people trot this steaming pile of bad values, reactionary behavior, trauma dumping, triggers, and more right into the workplace like it's totally normal.
In a smaller way, I also see managers emulate mom or dad to run their little piece of the company. All the while, not understanding that they themselves were horribly abused by their parents and think that behavior is completely a-okay to project onto their team.
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I saw "payment on time" stated as what the position offers. Or "free parking". I once read an offer that tried to suggest "working shifts" is a positive.
I just saw that my job advertises that they don’t charge you for the uniform…
Our luxurious bathrooms include TOILET PAPER and RUNNING WATER.
My wife is a tenured professor and her university still makes her pay for parking on their own lots.
I want to work at a CHILL JOB where I can TAKE IT EASY and FINISH WHENEVER.
Have you considered night shift?
I mean, yes it'll destroy your sleep schedule but it is very chill.
It really depends on the job. I've usually worked night shifts and the only time it was chill was when I was a security guard and got assigned to make sure teenagers stayed out of an abandoned farmhouse that was structurally unsafe.
Working night shifts at a factory or warehouse ain't fuckin' chill.
Hotels are usually super chill at night, too. Unless it's a fuckoff big property in the middle of a big touristy city, you're usually getting paid to be a warm body just to deal with issues that may arise, you are almost never expected to be busy/have serious duties or even look busy. It's light paperwork, attending to the occasional guest with a modicum of asskissing, and occasionally dealing with complete raging dumpster fires at 3AM -- but they're rather rare at quieter properties in smaller cities. YMMV wildly, depending on the property, some places have been absolutely awful and some have been the easiest thing I've ever been paid money to do. During COVID I was once paid to run the nightly paperwork at a hotel that was closed down, with no guests in house, and no revenue. But I still had to tick the business date over and run reports for them because otherwise... I dunno, the building burns down, who the fuck knows, I got paid to babysit an empty building and print/email reports full of 0s from 11PM-7AM every night for several months. Was nice, would recommend (the job, not the pandemic)
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It's funny when you see job postings for where you work. I saw one for where I'm at (a ghost job, since there's a hiring freeze) that said like "join a highly functional team". Lady, this team can barely push code that doesn't have syntax errors.
Side note: posting jobs with no intention to hire (aka a ghost job) should be illegal.
I had a recruiter call me up and ask me how I hadn’t found a job with all these postings. Like, lady, they’re not real!
Recently saw the place I left a year ago put up a posting. It was word-for-word the same as the job I applied for 4 years previously but it had an extra sentence: MUST HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR.
This is code for: MUST BE OKAY WITH THE OWNER'S RAMPANT HOMO AND TRANS PHOBIA.
not remotely
"Oh good because we don't allow work-from-home. Can't miss out on that in-person SYNERGY."
I lowkey do want to work like that, but it has to be on my own terms. Because Fast paced and high pressure works much much better with my brain than infinite meetings + horribly convoluted bureaucratic hoops to jump through to work productivly + nothing gets done + there's still high pressure because people are frustrated about it.
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Job postings should not make the job sound overly appealing. They should give you an idea of if it would be a good fit for you as a potential applicant.
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Translation: we hired incompetent insecure assholes into management positions and can't get rid of them for some reason, can you tolerate their bullshit and manage their egos
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“We’re a family company”
=> some of the worst backstabbing I’ve ever seen. Glad to have left that behind.
We're just like a family.
Any time there's an emergency, day or night, you're supposed immediately to drop everything to take care of us and demand nothing in return.
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Same here! "We're a family". It was an abusive relationship where the CEO was the narcissistic abuser. God he treated everyone like crap in that place.
"I can make a hundred trillion calculation per second and they're all wrong"
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I see the same job market terminology hasn't changed generationally.
Tell me, are 21 year olds still meeting the challenge to "thrive under pressure" for $10 an hour more than their fast food friends?
No, now it's only $3.50 a hour more than a fast food job with unpaid overtime.
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"Do you want to be an infinitely productive profit maker for the company at your own expense?"
Give it your 110% and we'll demand 120%!
And don't think that 120% will grant you a raise either! Inflation will eat 5% of your paycheck each year!
You're lucky if it's only 5% in this economy!
typical corporate speak for "you will be overworked and paid nothing"
Haha sure, job. You and what cocaine?
Do you want to pay me like i'm in a fast paced break everything environment where i'm going have to put up with a lot of shit?
Let's work towards not working at all! Crazy as it sounds.
I have a plan, it's stupid good!
I want to work in a bakery in a little cottage in the woods and we only make one product at a time instead of batches 💔🥀
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...if the job was Pinball tester....maybe...
Stopped reading at "Do you want to work"
(well, at least not for money)
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Come work in our suicide factory!
nO 1 wAnTs 2 wOrK nE mOaR!!!1!11!1
ah, racing diver
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