this post was submitted on 14 May 2026
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General Memes & Private Chuckle

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Why tho? (piefed.cdn.blahaj.zone)
submitted 4 days ago by LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/Memes@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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[–] edwardbear@lemmy.world 45 points 4 days ago (2 children)

“cook the onions on medium heat for a few minutes until they caramelise” statement made by someone completely delusional. “A few minutes”? A few minutes is what it took to create someone so blissfully unaware about onions, that years later he has the audacity to suggest that it takes “a few minutes” to caramelise onions. And that’s what you get in a few minutes. An unsatisfying, excuse of a final result.

Onions will make you question physics, reality and the space-time continuum. That’s how long it takes to caramelise them.

[–] BallShapedMan@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago

You are the hero we need! Please take the time to wear a cape today.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com -1 points 3 days ago (4 children)

I have a gas stovetop, the big 5kW at full blast might do it in like 4-5 minutes (be generous with the olive oil, salt, blend it all, then do not stir at all, for like 2 min. Then stir up the cooked ones from underneath, regularly) I guess those induction abominations might do that too.

You can't fry onions on medium heat. Or yes it'll take 30 minutes.

[–] edwardbear@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I don’t think you know how to caramelise onions. No salt. Check Jaqcue Pepin, or the classic Escoffier recipe. That’s how you caramelise onions.

[–] iocase@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 days ago

Yeah low and slow is how you do it. Going higher is browning them not caramelising.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Nah sorry the gas stove is the abomination here. Induction ftw anytime.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 days ago

Now that's a hill worth dying on lol 😂

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

No way. Maybe you'll get nice grilled onions, but caramelized is an entirely different chemical state. It's not possible to convert them that quickly, no matter how good your stove is. At most you're just burning them.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 days ago

Works very well for me 🤷🏼‍♀️ try to add more oil, it distributes the heat nicely.

[–] Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 days ago

I thought that was sautéed?

[–] moakley@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago (2 children)

It's like I always say: it takes 45 minutes to caramelize onions. If it takes you less than that, you're just cooking them.

And if you think you prefer them cooked instead of caramelized, then you need to take the full 45 minutes and rethink that.

[–] Bronzie@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago

Honestly, I never even manage in 45 unless I stand over them and constantly adjust temp and stir.

Much prefer low and slow, letting them make themselves, stiring every 15-20 minutes. Usually 60-90 minutes.
Also think they turn out even sweeter, but that could be confirmation bias on my part

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 3 days ago (3 children)

How do you do it, cutting included?

If I slice mine (very) finely, I can do it way faster, but I'm open to experimenting.

[–] IMALlama@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Caramelization is a mix of dehydration and sugar conversion. I've found that slicing thinner helps the dehydration process go quite a bit faster. Sugar conversion seems to depend on batch size (more onions = more time).

I suspect two things are going on.

The first is temperature. You can start low and go slow or you can start hotter and decrease the temp as you go to avoid charring. Actively controlling the temperature is faster, but increases the risk of accidental charring.

The second is your target state. You and the prior poster might just have different stopping targets. I personally keep going until it's nearly impossible to avoid charring and that takes me... quite a bit of time. By this point sugar content and flavor is maximized and highly concentrated. There's also a very substantial mass reduction thanks to evaporation.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 days ago

Fantastic, thank you!

And definitely it's a whole other game if you use less or more onions, the pan is important too IMO. After experimenting a little, I use a fat bottom steel sauce pan, with olive oil because butter doesn't handle high temp and that's how I do it. I have tried putting a lid on it, but that didn't work out for me, it just cooked everything I feel.

Will try to slow-cook it next time.

Cheers onion fans!

[–] moakley@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

If you think you're doing it faster than 45 minutes, then you're just cooking them. I did this for a couple years. Things got busy and I kept having to rush dinner, so I'd cook the onions on a higher heat and keep stirring them. And when they're done they still look caramelized, but caramelization isn't about color; it's about bringing out the natural sweetness in the onions.

Then one evening I bothered to take the time, let them simmer on low for an hour, and then I remembered what caramelized onions taste like.

Which is why I always say: if it takes less than 45 minutes, you're just cooking them.

As for my method, I start with a yellow onion, not a sweet onion. Sweet onions are cheating. I either dice them, mince them, or cut them into long strips. And yeah, I'll keep them on longer if there's less surface area. I start the pan with a pat of butter, a bit of oil, or both. Then I turn it on high because I'm allowed to be impatient for this part. Once it's sizzling, I add the onions, drop the stove to a one or a two, and cover it. I'll stir them once or twice, and if they're drying out I'll add a splash of water. Forty-five minutes is the minimum. After that I'll keep it on low until I'm ready to add them to the main dish. The longer they're on low, the sweeter and more complex the flavor gets.

[–] fireweed@lemmy.world 17 points 4 days ago

Also the prep time. It's like these people are all buying their ingredients pre-washed and sliced.

[–] Rooskie91@discuss.online 29 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Because the person that wrote the recipe cooked it in an industrial flat top.

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

So? They alter physics?

[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 25 points 4 days ago (3 children)

My favourite cheese cake recipe claims <1hr prep time and 1hr45min cooking time. I give it a whole day. Carefully measuring, not rushing, doing the dishes.

And with a good audio book, its a nice zen afternoon.

[–] Godort@lemmy.ca 37 points 4 days ago (1 children)

My favorite cheesecake recipe also lies about the time it takes to cook the onions

[–] testaccount789@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 days ago

5 hours, that oughta do it.

[–] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

Once I did that and I forgot to set the timer and I didn't know when I placed it in the oven. Had to bake that sucker on expert mode. Came out fine.

[–] alibloke@feddit.uk 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I've always wanted to try making a cheesecake, but never found the 'right' recipe. What's yours?

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Have you tried changing the gravitational constant of the universe, thereby altering the mass of the onions?

[–] Phoenix3875@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

Mostly to drive engagement. If it writes the real time, people would just give up.

[–] wolfrasin@lemmy.today 4 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

But if you add a tiny bit of baking soda to those onions, it changes everything. Save the salt for the end, instead drop a 1/4 teaspoon baking soda in the pan with the onions and the oil & stir it up as usual, you'll have brown, sweet, caramelized onions in something much closer to 15 minutes.

[–] KillerTofu@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

They also lose structural cohesion and become mushy when adding baking soda. Not a concern for a French onion soup but maybe if you’re wanting them on a burger.

[–] wolfrasin@lemmy.today 5 points 4 days ago

Yeah, usually pull this trick when I want onion jam. Its great on the burger bun

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Do you happen to know the chemistry behind that? I've also heard about adding vinegar but that might be more for deglazing

[–] Arrkk@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Minutefood did an entire video on it, with the conclusion that none of the hacks actually work. Some of the methods get closer than others, but it's going to take time whatever you do if you want a good result. https://youtu.be/V6R_xMzov0U

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 days ago

Fascinating video. I hate onions. Not sure why I watched it. But it was really interesting.

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I always deglaze with some balsamic vinegar, which adds to the flavor really nicely. One of my favorite dishes is a ton of caramelized onions over pasta with some cherry tomatoes, balsamic glazed chicken and shaved slices of parmesan.

The onions are like the sauce. Usually with a bit extra balsamic and olive oil drizzled onto it.