Peaceful except when I savagely beat my meat.
this post was submitted on 09 May 2026
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On my way to wizardry.
I always feel a bit weird if the question of "are you single by choice?" comes up, cause like, I didn't choose to be aro/ace, my brain just happens to be that way, so technically I feel like the answer is "no", but if you answer that with no I worry people will mistake that for " not single by choice because of being unlikable in some way and therefore unable to find someone despite one's efforts". But then one could also argue that I could technically still decide to look for a partner anyway despite not actually wanting one, so it would be a choice, but if you dont get to choose what you want, does it really count? And then the concept of determinism and if choices even truly exist at all enters my head and I just give up and say something like "it depends on what you mean by that."
succinctly: yes, but no
And it could change tomorrow when you run into that someone that just "clicks". Like a Van Halen song says, "How do I know when it's love? It's just something you feel together."
Van Hagar is the best lyrical Van Halen.
Ah, I don't think that's how aro/ace works
not sure that you were intending this, (maybe you replied to the wrong comment?) but your comment can be read in a bit of a "you'll get over this aro/ace thing when you meet the right person"
It was more a general comment than directed to them to try harder. That's like telling someone with depression to just be happier. The brain isn't that hardwired with defined states. Things change. Perhaps not as quickly as I implied in this case, but asexual and aromantic isn't an absolute for all, it's just a category of not wanting or needing.
Unless there's an expert who can tell me that no, if they're diagnosed that way they have to be that way, in which case I'd question them as an expert. The brain is complex.
Besides, can't one find a partner in life in a platonic situation and then not be single anymore in the eyes of everyone around them?
Unless there's an expert who can tell me that no, if they're diagnosed that way they have to be that way, in which case I'd question them as an expert. The brain is complex.
do you not think it's rude to tell someone who identifies a certain way, that they might change their mind? do you not think it's rude to act like an expert on their experiences, more than they are? do you not think it's rude to act like their opinion on themselves only has merit if science backs it up, but act like your opinion is somehow above that standard?
when someone identifies as a different sexuality, as a different gender, it's polite to give them the basic respect of acknowledging it. any of these things may change, and it's OK if it does, but it's very rude to point that out, as if they've never had that thought. it's also invalidating - consider telling a trans person they might reconsider their gender. identification along the aro or ace spectrums deserves the same respect
respectfully, i would ask that you stop commenting on this situation, and reconsider whether your advice is actually contributing positively to the conversation
This is where I’m at.
Funny enough, I’ve learned you’ll never get flirted with or hit on in your life nearly as much as you will once you’ve genuinely lost all interest in having a relationship. So, if you want that attention, the key is to truly not at all want that attention, then it’ll be knocking down your door and blowing up your phone. Life is fucked liked that.
I have literally never had anyone flirt with me but maybe I'm just blind as an aro/ace lmfao. Anyway, as someone who also doesn't want any of that, I'm living life without all these complications and from all the drama I'm hearing about this from others, thank god lol
Maybe you give off a no romance vibe, so any hopeful suitor who interacts with you and starts to learn more about you quickly starts to see you as strictly friend material.
I had a woman just tell me to meow and woof. I did zero flirting.
I did the meow, but once I caught on that it was some sort of BDSM/kink thing, I sent the no thanks bro gif.
I'd say it's just that some people are conquerors, they won't settle for a quick win and they won't accept getting shit handed to them. They want what's hard to get. This obviously applies to women too, which is why some men just can't find love no matter how hard they try.
One doesn't just simply expose their whole deck and then expect to win that round.
Why does that need to be a gendered thing? Doesn't that apply to all people?
I don't hear much of any female loneliness epidemic, do you?
I'm sure it's the same, I feel the male loneliness epidemic is also a big bubble that we live in, others probably don't even know it exists
Same for those married without kids (by choice).
I absolutely had so many choices bro
So many! I made each and every choice!
Wait do imaginary people count? Because they're real to me goddamnit
She goes to another school
Yeah, choice... yeah...
Didn't say who made that choice