this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2026
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Chapotraphouse

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[–] quarrk@hexbear.net 19 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

I did not involuntarily shit and piss myself. It was a tactical defecation to increase my odds of survival. Many tremendous biologists are saying it is a highly evolved trait in nature, and that what I’ve done is a textbook example of what to do in such cases.

actually came here to post this lmao

geordi-no Posting hog

geordi-yes Posting hognose

[–] D61@hexbear.net 13 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

One of these days, one of these false flags is actually gonna be a real one.

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 8 points 4 days ago

Dying as an unintended consequence of a false flag event would be so great.

[–] micnd90@hexbear.net 10 points 5 days ago

In another life I'd be a secret service agent just for the opportunity to judo slam US presidents to the ground and oopsie fail to take a bullet from them

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Is there a video of him "rushing" out? Dude hasn't rushed anything that wasn't a hamburger

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 4 days ago

His wet farts are also very rushed!

i tactically deployed my body to the ground as a kinetic tactic to reacquire the initiative.

my high pitched screams were a psychological weapon.