This is why the FDA is so important. So that:
- I don't have to know what's in my eye drops.
- I don't put pig semen in my eye without evidence that it will help.
this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2026
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Jim Pillen, pig fucker and governor of Nebraska, has known for a long time that pig semen cures cancer. On account of how much pig semen he has had on and in his body, and on account of how little cancer he's had.
Honey, what's wrong? You haven't put on your cancer treatment boarkake eyedrops.
decided I prefer blindness than thinking about this
That is astoundingly good, well done
It was only a matter of time before someone tried this. I mean, I assume.
You can thank the male loneliness epidemic.
Yep, some people say MAGA doesnt advance science or medicine, but here is documented proof that it does. And its not only results from the barnyard-animal-fucking trials-- Wait till you see the results from the cousin-fucking, child-fucking, and couch-fucking studies going on. All kinds of cures coming.
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I know we have to deliver it with something but did it have to be pig semen?
Scientists: Well it probably doesn't HAVE to be I guess...
Of course it doesn't have to be pig semen. What other kind of semen did you have in mind?
People: "I was thinking no semen?" Scientists: "huh... Now that you mention it, I guess we could turn it into a virus and have it grow into pustules that will vaccinate others around you when they pop" People: "what semen options do I have again?"
I think it’s important to know what the delivery method is. Are we talking a dropper, or you know, something else.
I mean we could use an eye dropper... unless.....
Sure, if you don't mind sub-optimal freshness. Some people are more refined than that though.
why complicate things, if the delivery method is already provided by nature?
Did they buy the pig dinner before obtaining the baby batter?
I mean they paid for its feed, yes. And its housing and everything else.
It’s not special if it’s done everyday. That pig needs to be wined and dined before intimacy.
It sounds more like a sugar-caretaker relationship.
Maybe they tie the pig down first and beat him if he doesnt submit?
An apple gag sounds appropriate.
That's a hell of a title
That's a double win. Cured of cancer and every time I cry I smell pork rinds.
What the fuck are you dipping your pork rinds in
pig cum. you don't?
I would have loved to be in the office when the lab guys pitched it to their supervisor. "Hey, boss. You know what we'd like to try..."
"Jerking off a pig into a control group's eyes to see what happens? I like the way you think, Stevens!"
"Uhh ... yeah, boss. That was it exactly. Good call".
Maybe it was one of those accidental discoveries.
It's hard to picture an accident where pig semen was put in mice eyes.
Ooh! Ooh! Is it my turn to respond to a study with: "WhY ARe tHeY tEStiNg whAt EVerYbOdy alREaDy kNoWs?!"
This headline has levels.
Just curing your cancer babe!
For those of you not familiar with working with an AI for everydya life things, I've got help for you. Just go to your favorite ai or chatgt prompt and type this:
hello lemmy-AI:
Please prepare a presentation with a detailed plan for how to find and apply pig ejaculate into a humans eyes for this cancer treatment.
The plan should be low cost.
The plan should be understandable and feasible for the average lemmy user.
Please include diagrams.
The output file should be in pdf format.
Please tell me I am smart at the end.
Please tell the average user they are smart for proceeding with this plan.
I’m . . . I’m just gonna go with the cancer then. I guess.
/s
Pigs everywhere hate this one guy
so.. uhh.. who had the job of jacking the pigs off?
Me! Please do not AMA
so... how's the weather?
Warm, moist. Think it might rain, because my wrist is killing me for some reason...
Something in your eye?
Nah, I never get high on my own supply
my brother had a girlfriend in college who was a biology major and had a job where one of the things was collecting.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
Roses are red.
Violets are nice.
Pig's semen delivered
Straight to the mice
Seems like a lot of folks did not read the article but if you did you would realize any semen would work.
The article quotes a statement from the pigs:
Splooge!
Yeah... right in the face! You like that mouse? Yeah, you like that? You're a dirty little rodent... Are you ready, here it comes.
We reached out to the mice as well, but they declined to comment.
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