this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026

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Lemmy Shitpost

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385

The original Lemmy shitpost (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 week ago by bootleg@sh.itjust.works to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

93 comments fedilink hide all child comments

The post got deleted later on, and sadly the Wayback machine was unable to capture all the comments:

https://web.archive.org/web/20230629152756/https://lemmy.world/post/440073

top 50 comments

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[–] xerxos@feddit.org 91 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (7 children)

Oh, I think this is a post of a home-shitter ( someone who only shits at home, not at someone else's home, not in public toilets and definitively not in nature ) who tries to go on a multi-day travel. Rather a than getting over his mental block, he tries to prep his body to not shit for 3 days.

Poor soul.

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 40 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

have had IBS my whole life. hearing people say this is like hearing people say they only breathe at home. they just. hold their breath. until they get back. Shit WILL exit my body when I'm away from home and I generally prefer it to be in a toilet.

[–] mediOchre@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago (8 children)

i'm at the complete opposite end of the brown spectrum. i poop on average once a week, at most twice a week, thrice if i ate something bad. i have a fecalysis scheduled for today and so far it's been 3 hours of me unsuccesfully forcing my bowels to move lol

[–] yabbadabaddon@lemmy.zip 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

A very cold apple juice + a very strong espresso will turn you into a propelled vehicle in about 30minutes. Hope you read this early enough.

[–] Angrydeuce@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

I skip the juice, but coffee plus a cigarette is pretty much laxative in my experience lol

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[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I used to be a home shitter, i used to even be a home pisser at school age, but then i started drinking a healthy amount of water.

I am so so glad i've gotten over the mental block.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 13 points 1 week ago

At the school I went to if you shat at school someone would bang on the cubicle door and laugh at you. Caused some definite problems for me

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Or someone engaging in three days of hardcore anal.

[–] einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

uh then thats the wrong plan for sure, for that its more about eating the right things at the right times, if done right that can make like 8h of each day usable without going hungry

[–] NannerBanner@literature.cafe 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Whoah, share that wisdom with the rest of us. I'd just like more regularity in my life. (and don't tell me to eat more fiber. I eat enough fiber. Beans are cheap, and cheap is important right now.)

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[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 66 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Are fursuits a pain in the ass to get out of or something?

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 32 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Some of them have ass flaps.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 51 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Which are exclusively for the convenience of using a restroom when necessary and absolutely no other reason. None.

[–] NannerBanner@literature.cafe 7 points 1 week ago

(most) Fursuits are way too expensive to muck up with biological matters. I think the fursuiters I know would smile, close their eyes, and gently pat you for your joke, only to grow aghast as they realize the reality of the suggestion of something that could fuck with their gigantic investment.

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[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

yeah but then there won't be appropriate structural support for a dragon with a fat ass to have a tail you can swing around like a feather boa for 27 years they been doing it now. [edit: swear to your god 27 years that fursuit survived]

i had to climb out through the neck because i was a dipshit and made it that way

i'm starting to realize why the other high school kids assumed things i just like making art okay

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 week ago

is that for easier outsies or insies ?

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 66 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I was there man.

[–] rando@sh.itjust.works 27 points 1 week ago

Feels like it was only yesterday

[–] Mim@lemmy.zip 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

So was I.
Although my account back then was on a now dead instance. 😔

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 8 points 1 week ago (7 children)

I think I was on kbin.social

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[–] EpeeGnome@feddit.online 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I was there, Bootleg. I was there 3 ~~thousand~~ years ago. I was there the day the patience of Lemmy failed. I mean, come on mizu6079, just tell us why you need to avoid pooping for that long!

But yeah, that happened right after I started using Lemmy. I'd been commenting for less than a week, and my first post was a "Chewy, we're home" meme about how all the memes on the topic made me feel as a new user. That account's long dead now, but apparently lemmy.world still has my post https://lemmy.world/post/560966. Federation is neat.

[–] JetpackJackson@feddit.org 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I remember it but I don't remember the ending

[–] idegenszavak@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 week ago (4 children)

IIRC OP disappeared, without an update. The most sane guess I read was that they were going to the Hajj, the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca, they live in tents during that

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago

I think it was a joke about him going on that Titanic sub that imploded.

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[–] EpeeGnome@feddit.online 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

OP commented cheerfully on all the memes about him, but still refused to elaborate. Then he disappeared for the week, as expected. I can't remember for sure, but I thought I recalled him returning briefly asking for advice on dealing with severe constipation, getting annoyed that everyone still only wanted to talk about how his week went and what the hell this was all about, and then he disappeared for good. I assume he's likely still around under a new identity and he just sighs and clicks away every time this is brought up again.

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[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 3 points 1 week ago

I don't think there was one.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

i remember. I think that was one of my first days. I had helpfully unhelpful advice, like DONT DO IT MAN or EAT CORN if i know me

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 35 points 1 week ago

"You're full of shit, buddy."

"Yes, but that's not relevant to the discussion."

[–] tixnou@feddit.cl 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is it really a shitpost if it's about not shitting?

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[–] SlurpingPus@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (5 children)

How is the instance of that community located on web.archive.org?

Anyway, the answer the OOP was looking for is sugar.

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[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

Some say they're still not pooping to this very day...

[–] Korne127@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I remember it

I still wanna know the reason…

[–] porn_was_never_the_real_issue@fedinsfw.app 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Pooping on toilet that wasn’t my own was a huuuuuuuuuuge problem until I ended up in the military… the first two weeks sucked but then you kinda just surrender and let the poooop flow. Nowadays it’s more of a convenience to poop on my own porcelain throne.

[–] Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I guess most people have that experience in kindergarten lol you never pooped in school ever??

[–] NannerBanner@literature.cafe 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure I made it from elementary to nearly the end of high school without having to go at school. There's just way too much opportunity for people to fuck with you when you're in a stall.

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[–] Broadfern@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think someone speculated that it aligned with a religious pilgrimage trip that had a lot of similarities.

[–] morrowind@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Hajj? That was my guess too. The timing lines up

[–] Echolynx@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago

Immediately my first guess once I read "air conditioned tents".

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I was there, Gandalf, 3 years ago. When the bowels of man failed.

[–] Alberat@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Lembas bread, one bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man while allowing him to go through multiple security checkpoints without pooping.

[–] svcg@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 week ago

Is this Lemmy's "the cylinder must remain unharmed"?

[–] RamRabbit@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Is it spiders? I bet it's toilet spiders.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I’ve done this before. I was on a beach in Mexico back in the day for 3 days. Slept on the beach in a hammock. The nearest bathroom was about 30 minutes because it was a secluded beach. There was an outhouse you could shit in and I kid you not it looked like the poop scene from slumdog millionaire. I decided I would not shit till I left.

Honestly I ate normal food and it was fine so I think crippling anxiety is enough to make this possible.

[–] GianBarGian@feddit.it 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You realize you could have shit in the sea, right?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 4 points 1 week ago

simple, take imodium.

[–] monsterpiece42@reddthat.com 4 points 1 week ago (3 children)

He's a soldier going to the field for training. I'd bet my next check on it.

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[–] Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago

Yeah idk i feel like not eating and drinking a juice once every few hours is the obvious answer but idk shit about nutrition tbh

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