this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I'm not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don't feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I'm less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don't want to waste someone else's time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

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[–] Tabitha@hexbear.net 5 points 3 hours ago

non-consensually using flirtcels to ego-farm would be considered cruelty. If you're cold, they're cold, let them inside.

[–] Crucible@hexbear.net 8 points 6 hours ago

If you flirt with me I will not realize it, so, technically not leading anyone on there

[–] TheSovietOnion@hexbear.net 5 points 5 hours ago

Honestly, I'd get a bit annoyed it isn't going anywhere, but I'm sure I'd feel better about myself having a confirmation I'm attractive to others

[–] hogslayer@hexbear.net 4 points 7 hours ago

It's normal and fun, just don't lead them onto thinking it's something more.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 5 points 8 hours ago

I feel like it's a good way to trigger insecurity in your existing partner that over time blossoms into a fully toxic situation that kills your own attraction to them and ultimately the relationship.

It isn't wrong per se but I feel like it is playing with fire and ultimately self harming.

[–] Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Why do you need to not mention your partner would be my question. I mean sure, if it doesn't come up, but it seems like you want to actively not mention them.

That in my opinion would be the only problem with this.

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 hours ago

This is a good question. I don't want to lie about anything. I wear a ring, and if asked I will say (and usually gush). That said, here's what happens: I don't ever approach a woman with the intention of flirting. If I want to converse with someone at the bar I'll invariably mention my partner pretty quickly to make it clear that I'm not hitting on her. I feel differently if I'm approached. I find it very flattering, and I want to enjoy that feeling for a few minutes.

[–] Arahnya@hexbear.net 1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

let's reframe this to : is it OK to flirt in general? when you don't have any intentions of taking it further than just flirting. (regardless of being in a relationship or not.)

I am, or at least was, of the opinion that flirting in this manner is generally acceptable and harmless. In my view, flirting is something very casual and doesn't really indicate a desire for that person, so much as it reflects my desire for attention.

However, it can be viewed as inappropriate. if people know you are in a relationship and they see you flirting, their opinion of you is not going to be very good. They're going to say stuff like, "they're totally leading them on!"

It can also lead to situations where you do actually lead someone on intentionally or not, and they approach you looking for something more. And when you turn them down, they're going to be upset, and people who observed the situation are going to be upset with you too.

Unfortunately, you never know who is going to react this way, so in my opinion it's not really a safe activity in practice. You never know who is going to decide that flirtation is an invitation. In fact, people will see you as an invitation for much less.

So this has led to me being very sanitized in my interactions, I try not to flirt at all. The only people I would flirt with are those who I am friends with and we have an understanding with each other.

[–] Arahnya@hexbear.net 1 points 5 hours ago

unfortunately, flirting with your friends is not always possible either, and in some cases can lead to the same result, even if you thought you had an understanding.

Ultimately, looking inside yourself for the reasons you want attention, and addressing those is more fulfilling than doing this in my opinion.

[–] Meltyheartlove@hexbear.net 8 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

I don't like it personally but I am someone who has led most of their life being lonely and I have been severely mentally ill. People often end up taking it too far and then it's goodbye, I have a partner btw. aubrey-pain

[–] Spike@hexbear.net 12 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

What counts as flirting in the year 2026?

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 hours ago

Honestly for me, friendly attention from a stranger.

[–] cattish@hexbear.net 8 points 8 hours ago

It's flirting only if it comes from the LeadOn region of Gloucestershire, England. Otherwise it's just sparkling conversation.

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 11 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Took me way more comments to realize i also need to know this

[–] Spike@hexbear.net 5 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
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[–] WokePalpatine@hexbear.net 3 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

I've been flirting with the beautiful mods so they don't remove my posts. It's all about flattery.

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 14 points 12 hours ago

What makes it flirting rather than a nice chat between strangers? I don't mean in general, i mean specifically in your imagined scenario what would make it flirting?

[–] Oskolki@hexbear.net 4 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

You want to flirt with someone, there's bound to be people who want to be courted, but if there's explicit consent then the relationship between the Flirter and the Flirted on crumbles, because the thrill is in either being dominated or dominating others. This relationship dynamic is impossible to resolve, at best you can create a 3rd space where you let people consent to non-consensual acts.

That is an application of Dialectical materialism.

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