Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too
this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
209 points (98.2% liked)
Not The Onion
20878 readers
1311 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
it's not gay if you don't look into each other's eyes...
Pete Kegsbreath
Dude no... dont send republicans to ruin the vibe.
Tbf, they're not sending anyone to where they haven't been before. 🤷♂️
load more comments
(4 replies)
All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can't, and it's all bullshit.
call me optimistic but i think he's just having a laugh
Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh???
(Ricky Gervais)
"Thought about" and "might just" are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I'd be shocked if he puts in one "fake" order, and highly doubt he'll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.
Right. He's too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.
Or maybe they'll do one fake order the day before the real one and keep doing it like that, and the half-assing just means the pizza index predicts it one day earlier.
load more comments
(1 replies)
That's why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off
We look at every indicator.
After it's become widespread international news meaning our allies and enemies have known for at least a decade...
at least a decade…
You're not wrong, but even this article mentions a news article from 1991… heh
load more comments
(1 replies)
Okay, fuck, he got me, that's really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.
A decade ago I was like, "FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they're not in government".
I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.
And what is he going to do with all of those "diversion" pizzas?
Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you're planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.
But the party of "lol your poor git gud" wouldn't dream of such a thing. More likely they'll toss them in the dumpster.
Americans shouldn't starve in such a wealthy nation, but there's just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The ~~defense~~ war budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all that
Loved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran's shelter.
That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You'd simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there's a lower than normal amount, you know we're gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.
It's not to track via homeless shelters, the joke is that he's willing to waste food as Americans face food concerns.
I know. And the joke is that it wouldn't work for other reasons.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”
You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.
The real order will look like the Pentagon is throwing a kegger
That's just an average day for the alcoholic in charge.
Don’t blame me for this. I haven’t been contacted at all. I may be The Alcoholic but I’m not in charge and I don’t appreciate your accusations. Btw I accidentally fucked your dog. My apologies.
Pretty sure he said this exact thing last year when the Pizza Index was correct. Is this a cute little gem he just has on standby?
Yes, except it's not cute, nor really a game. Just stupidity. But otherwise, you're right :)
Aren't all the pedos using "pizza" as covert code for child pornography ?
A real military mobilization is about as easy to conceal as a sunrise. And you're not going to fool anyone by ordering a few extra pizzas.
Give us your credit card number and we'll help you order those pizzas.
You're joking about your own ineptitudes? Bold strategy
He thought of ordering lots of pizza? What a genius mastermind.
Hello? Is this Dominos?
I'm always surprised the pizza index works. There are over 20 restaurants inside the Pentagon, including a pizza place. It should be easy to make everyone order from those when something is happening
Well at least our troops will be fat asses just like he wants them.
view more: next ›