this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2026
110 points (100.0% liked)

Slop.

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For posting all the anonymous reactionary bullshit that you can't post anywhere else.

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[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 62 points 1 month ago

This person's dom told them they have to write I WANT YOU TO NUT IN MY BUTT on LinkedIn as a punishment for their disobedience and this is the only way they could come up with to get away with writing that.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 62 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] LeninsBeard@hexbear.net 33 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The lesser known sequel to Slob on my Knob

[–] take_five_moments@hexbear.net 22 points 1 month ago

dog if that gym was playing triple 6 idk i'd go

[–] MayoPete@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Compromise...

nut in my butt... for JESUS

[–] goferking0@lemmy.sdf.org 20 points 1 month ago

Ngl sounds like it would keep people pumped up. Unlike most if not all Christian music

[–] BeanisBrain@hexbear.net 57 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Unironically a song about consensual sex is infinitely less offensive than the patriarchal, homophobic, colonialist, child-abusing, thought-policing abomination that is Christianity

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 48 points 1 month ago

I WANT YOU TO

party-sicko NUT IN MY BUTT party-sicko

party-sicko NUT IN MY BUTT party-sicko

party-sicko NUT IN MY BUTT party-sicko

party-sicko NUT party-sicko NUT party-sicko NUT party-sicko NUT party-sicko

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I refuse to go to a gym unless they’re blasting Georgian chants.

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] culpritus@hexbear.net 37 points 1 month ago

I am married Christian man that goes to the gym regularly. I posted "I want you to NUT IN MY BUTT" on LinkedIn. Plz send me DMs.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The closest thing that has ever happened to this was the time I was at Planet Fitness and I used the 'Suggest a song' feature on the app to get them to play Just One Fix by Ministry

And they did

And all the seniors who were working out without headphones or ear buds went john-agony

[–] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, love me some Ministry

[–] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

I haven't really listened to them since the 90's, I should probably revisit that shit

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 28 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

cmon dude, nutting in butts is what gyms are all about

also most of that story was irrelevant to his point

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

nutting in butts is what gyms are all about

The Village People song they don't want you to hear.

[–] MayoPete@hexbear.net 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

He said his name was Jesus

When I'm done he'll be saying Oh God

You about to be crucified by my holy rod

JESUS IS COMING

Cuz I balls deep in him

[–] miz@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)
[–] culpritus@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The Holey Trinity doing a Devil's Triangle is quite a divine apparition to receive.

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[–] sexywheat@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And then everybody clapped

[–] vovchik_ilich@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The manager was none other than Albert Mandela Einstein

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[–] iByteABit@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Then I put my headphones on, because I know how powerful nutting in my butt is and I won't allow that in my daydreams

[–] ClassIsOver@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

I definitely won't post it publicly on LinkedIn so other people will know I'm thinking about it

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

deadlifting to underoath and switchfoot

[–] DogThatWentGorp@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I don't go to gyms because I work outside and my free time is for entering a proverbial cryotube but is the give away this is fake the "a couple of extra wrong charges" part?

Like isn't it all membership based? How do they have wrong charges unless there's like a staff member walking around with a clip board billing them for whatever the hell?

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

the giveaway that it's fake is that it's on linkedin

[–] DogThatWentGorp@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

Yeah but like- who's just accidently charging you at the gym I GOTTA know

[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Nah, that’s probably the most believable part about this, gyms are notoriously scummy with regards to surcharges and general douchebaggery.

[–] DogThatWentGorp@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

No kidding? Alright it's rolling on logs in the river for me then.

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

christian music is offensive because it's so terrible.

also, how am i gonna get this Men's Intermediate Twerking class pumped up at 8am on a Wednesday?

[–] take_five_moments@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)
[–] regul@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

now that is a pump up track

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 month ago

Brb changing my username to nutbutterbuttnutter

[–] Snort_Owl@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Every single gym Ive been in has always played the most inoffensive crappy dance music that borders on elevator music and most of it is instrumental.

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[–] durruticore@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Linkedin truly contains the dumbest material on the internet

[–] GenXen@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

What's really strange is that he only hears it coming from the speaker that must be in change room when he's at the gym at 3:30 am. thonk

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

There really is a song that has those lyrics. Also if it's going to be gospel, at least let it have a beat and gritty bass line...

https://genius.com/The-teaming-sisters-nutt-in-my-butt-lyrics

[–] LeninsBeard@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Look what they have to do to mimic a fraction of her power

[–] Lemmyglad@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] pooberbee@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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