this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2026
239 points (98.4% liked)

Not The Onion

21203 readers
864 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Crossposted from https://feddit.uk/post/43715499

Medical staff had to halt the procedure, fearing a possible explosion. The hospital, unfamiliar with such protocols, immediately alerted the authorities, and around 1:40 a.m., police arrived and activated the bomb squad. The team established a security perimeter to neutralize the device so surgery could continue, though no one knew at that stage if the entire operation could blow up at any moment.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Multiplexer@discuss.tchncs.de 49 points 2 months ago (3 children)

But wait... Isn't he much too young to have fought in WWI?

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 46 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It actually was shot into it's great grandmothers abdomen and has been carried through birth in each generation. Now that the carrier is a man medics actually care about it.

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

But, it took him 24 years to get an appointment because France has universal healthcare.

- Americans who believe our politicians

[–] Billy_fuccboi@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The shell time traveled and hit him straight in the ass

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago

Dear me, what bad luck this poor lad has!

[–] MasterBlaster@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Apparently didn't have enough cash to buy a butt plug, got creative, and is now forever globally embarrassed (both figuratively, and literally).

[–] megopie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 2 months ago (3 children)

IT KEEPS HAPPENING!

Come on people if you find century old ordnance in your back yard, make sure it has a flared base!

Stick with mortar rounds, not shells for infantry support guns or artillery!

The described size of the shell is interesting. “Over 3 centimeters” sounds like it could be a 3.7cm shell which were fairly common in WW1 but, none of those were “20 cm long” most being closer to 10 cm, such as the the 37mm mle.1916, the 1 pounder pom pom and the 3.7 cm TAK 1918.

Later ww2 3.7mm shells were often close to 20cm in length though.

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's not his fault. He fell on it.

[–] Tanoh@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You've also watched Scrubs?

[–] Tanoh@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I was thinking of Seinfeld, but indeed I have watched Scrubs too.

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

I think I got my references mixed up. Thanks for setting me straight.

[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Great advice for the butthole-fun-curious detectorist

[–] miked@piefed.social 2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Learned about the need for a flare base from Lemmy.

Thank you. 😒

[–] GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

If it doesn't have flared base, your ass will 'swallow' it. Pretty quickly, in fact. Don't fuck around with this, it's the most embarrassing ER trip you will have.

Because HIPAA be damned, you will end up being mocked online for weeks, and the shame will be yours, even if your name is omitted from the news cycle.

[–] MasterBlaster@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

sssssuuuuurrrreeee you did. (yes, that was a joke, don't be offended, plz)

[–] miked@piefed.social 1 points 2 months ago

Not offended at all. This is Lemmy.

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 30 points 2 months ago

“There’s a guy in the waiting room with a WW1 shell inside him”

“Rectum?”

“Not yet, but it’s touch and go”

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 28 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Everything's a dildo when you're brave enough

[–] klymilark@herbicide.fallcounty.omg.lol 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

That's the kinda mentality that lead to the fall of Yugoslavia

[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm too stupid to be afraid to ask today, apparently. "Please" enlighten me.

[–] Tuuktuuk@anarchist.nexus 7 points 2 months ago (4 children)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e_Martinovi%C4%87_incident tells: "The collapse of this taboo in the coverage of the Martinović case heralded the growth of nationalism that was to lead to the country's collapse in 1991."

[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 months ago

Ouch, that poor bastard.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] victorz@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (6 children)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

"Rectum!? Damn near killed 'em!!"

[–] MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

"Rectum!? Damn near killed us all!"

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Time travelers coming ahead for medical care

[–] zod000@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago

This feels like solid evidence that the UK medical system is going to get worse as otherwise the time traveler would just keep going further in time to get better treatment.

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Damn near killed.

[–] voodooattack@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Umm… fair.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 7 points 2 months ago

Those damn Germans! They attacked me from behind!

[–] buwho@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

gen z's "one guy one jar" equivalent

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 months ago

It is a bit more spicy

[–] CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 2 months ago

Flared base. Always insist on a flared base.

[–] RestrictedAccount@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Bulls/brown eye!

[–] Poteau_Poutre@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

"Impossible n'est pas français" 😎

[–] bitflip@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 months ago
[–] mkhopper@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

So, when he says something like, "Oh man, I'm going to bomb this bathroom", he's not lyin'.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

That episode of Grey's Anatomy was horrifying

[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 months ago

The new YouTube series "Will it Dildo" has its first major setback.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago

Hope he got a tetanus shot 'cause that thing's probably rusted to hell.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 months ago
[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 months ago

Makes sense

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 points 2 months ago

A few years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to get some new pool noodles. I could t find them, no matter where I looked, all summer. So weird.

The following summer, they were everywhere, but they all had a sticker on them, that included "Not to be inserted rectally." Suddenly, I understood why they had been off the market for a season, as the regulators got involved.

So someone saw a pool noodle, and thought "Hmmm..."

[–] GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I've heard of an explosive orgasm before, but this is ridiculous.

load more comments
view more: next ›