this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


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all 25 comments
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[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago

"PTSD? ABC 123... That's how you sound."

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Realizing that "winning" doesn't feel as good as I thought it would when my new acquaintance turns white and said he's gonna be sick because I was telling him about the time that performed surgery on myself with a Leatherman, and unwittingly tried pulling my ingrown toenail out the side of my toe, and neglected how infected my toe looked a few weeks later, thus giving myself sepsis.

I'd gotten to the part in the story where an urgent care doctor, seeing me for something unrelated, looked at my multicolor toe and said, "that's the most infected thing I've ever seen."

[–] architectonas@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Omg, I hope you handle this differently nowadays!

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world -1 points 5 hours ago

Talking to people or having doctors take care of my ingrown toenails?

[–] West_of_West@piefed.social 31 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Telling my wife a funny childhood story about me and my parents - "wait, why aren't you laughing? Stop looking at me like that!"

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

One time my mom was telling on stories with a friend over (perhaps at my encouragement) and afterwards the friend, a social worker, was just like "I'm surprised yall are as well adjusted as you are" and it seemed like an odd reply to some old funny stories.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Can we have some of the stories?

No full story, but birther once traded us (me + my siblings) for a blanket. No context might make that sound worse than what actually happened.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

"What do you MEAN most parents don't sleep in the same bed as their baby until they're 35??? That's crazy talk! Now strip your clothes, and get naked in this bed with me and my parents! I don't turn 35 for 2 more years!"

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My dad once shoved my head through a wall 😃

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

That explains some things.

[–] halcyoncmdr@piefed.social 9 points 1 day ago

Every time Mythical Chef Josh decides to regale everyone with a story from his childhood.

[–] borokov@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

me: "Don't worry, it doesn't matter that much, no one died. It's not always the case."

coworker: "Wait, what ?! what do you mean by that ?!!"

"Oh, nothing. As long you don't piss me off by screwing up like that again, anyway."

[–] X@piefed.world 8 points 1 day ago (3 children)

No stranger to this type of icebreaker, I usually reasons with “Yeah, I’ve had a meter of my spine removed. No anesthesia.” 😘

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 7 points 1 day ago

Eat your heart out, Marilyn Manson

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] nile_istic@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Makes the legs look longer.

[–] dan69@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago
[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

One time, at band camp......I got molested by a red head with a flute.

[–] Agrivar@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

I'd let her.

Edit - seriously? I'm the only one who was hot for Alyson Hannigan back in the day?

Could be worse: Jack Nicholson in The Shining making threats maniacally through a partially closed & blocked door.

[–] StrongHorseWeakNeigh@piefed.social 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've almost died like a lot of times.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)