ADHD

I didn't recognize that I had issues with it but I had issues with it for years. Subconsciously (probably because my mother was such a stickler for eye contact when we were in trouble) I look at facial features and focus on one that lets me fake eye contact, but I don't often meet the eyes of people.

I'd also like to note that people with both ASD and ADHD often have symptoms that can mask each other, allowing us to pass as not having one or the other Neurodivergences. So just because someone doesn't see ASD in your behavior doesn't mean that you don't have it.

It's physically painful. Decades before diagnosis, tho, I found I could sometimes gaze at the bridge of someone's nose. Seems to pacify most people. Not easy to keep looking at one spot more than a few seconds tho.

1: I'd usually trust "a psychologist and a couple of psychiatrists" over "one support worker". But of course that doesn't automatically mean they are right in your case.

2: I don't generally struggle with eye contact at all. What I do struggle with is continued eye contact, like more than a few seconds long. But regardless of who I'm talking to, because I just get bored looking at their eyes.

Recently had to answer questions about this for my assessment, and though I’d never realised it really, making eye contact is something I have to consciously do in a lot of situations. It’s not that it’s hard, it’s just that it’s not my default action

I'm not a fan, I can make myself do it but I'd rather not.

I have no issues doing it, just trouble holding it for long periods. I'm no psychologist, but if you struggle to make eye contact at all with people you don't know well, I would guess that goes beyond ADHD and might be related to ASD?

Years of speech therapy and public speaking lessons made it something I do intentionally and easily in public situations. I still almost never do it in private at home.

I have trouble following the words people say if I'm not watching their mouth.

But, I know, sometimes eye contact is important, so I force a few seconds and go back to their mouth.

Eye contact with strangers is legitimately almost impossible for me. I look at peoples nose or eyebrows usually if that lol. I actually go out of my way not to look at service workers' faces when I can manage it. I'll look at my phone, look at stuff for sale, look at signs, sometimes literally turn the other way lmao or like fuss with my purse or something 😂 even just the thought of it makes me shudder.

With like long time friends and family, I wouldnt say i struggle at all. If I know you well then it doesnt bug me at all.

One thing to bear in mind is that the boundaries between adhd and asd are not super well defined and there is lots of overlap between the two. I am both autistic and have adhd, which isnt uncommon at all.

I mostly look at people's mouths when they speak. Is that weird?

I have no problems with eye contact, and experience it as an important part of communication, also for me. There are times, when something really serious is discussed, that I look somewhere else to not get distracted, but thats about information overload and not about it being unpleasant

It’s not a struggle at all. If it is, it’s only because of an unusually high amount of distractions in my environment. Not that the eye contact itself is a difficulty.

I've seen "eye contact" as a content warning (CW), so it's definitely a thing!

It's never really been an issue with me unless someone is staring, and really, only little kids stare. If an adult is staring at you, either you're doing something wrong, or they mean you ill will. If it's a little kid, pull one eyelid down with your finger and stick out your tongue, but only if the parents aren't looking. Get the kid to make a funny face, then look away when the parents follow the child's gaze. Kid gets in trouble. Problem solved. Or, if you aren't trying to get the kid in trouble, just wave sheepishly when the parents notice you. Hey, kids get bored, they look around for allies/temporary playmates when they're sat down in restaurants surrounded by strangers.

I collect anime plushies. Most of them are designed to make eye contact. I've got one, it's a rare variation of Anya Forger from SPYxFAMILY, with a special outfit. It's so rare I can't even find a picture of it on Google. Here's what the regular one looks like: https://down-my.img.susercontent.com/file/my-11134207-7r98u-llwz8b1x5ityff (Sorry, random ass link, but it's the one I have, minus the special outfit.) Anyway, that one, I have to sit her at an angle so she's not staring right at me. It's cute, it's adorable, she's awesome, but yeah, the eye contact is a bit much with that one. I've "pointed" her at my wife and my wife's asked me to tilt her away ever so slightly.

Eye contact is definitely a thing on the spectrum!

I also mostly struggle with new people. As always, this is a skill that you can practice, but ASLs have a harder time at it (to different levels). It's still something I do consciously when I'm with friends and family, but don't bother with strangers. Unless I'm trying to get into their pants, then I bring out the big eye contact guns full power.

First of all, there are good reasons to trust trained professionals and a diagnosis over anybody else.

On topic: I'm diagnosed with ADHD and have not much issues with eye contact. It's usually a conscious behavior for me.* I do a bit of eye contact and look away again, mostly with people I just got to know or when talking to people without an interesting topic. I do this delicate, but very conscious 'yes-I-make-eye-contact-bot-not-too-much-so-you-see-I'm-interested-but-not-a-creep' thing.

On the other hand I stare into people's eyes when in a discussion I'm interested in and/or they have something interesting to say.

*I will be checked for ASD later this year.

Same situation basically. Psychiatrist told me she sees alot of ASD/ADHD patterns but I'm not diagnosed yet, got more doctors visits incoming.

But i basically am the same way, i have a very hard time looking new/unknown/untrusted people in the eyes. When i get to know them and the silly brain meat recognizes there's no threat i have an easier time doing it. I still kinda default to not looking anyone in the eyes but after the ease-in period its alot easier and removes that overwhelming feeling of awkwardness.

Diagnosed ADHD when it was the fad; but, for many reasons, i dont disagree that it was correct.

Daily use of eye avoidance is something I've noticed being stronger lately around holidays or stressful situations. More to avoid direct contact vs. casual. It feels very much like avoiding phone calls while responding to emails and sms.

I want to be able to look at them but everything in me says that they dont deserve the spoons it takes to process that information.

Mind you this is coworkers, employers, and the general public. I give cashiers eye contact because they are paid to do interactions and probably hate being there as much as i do.

A side note: if you are unsure about a diagnosis maybe ask the diagnoser to explain their process and your results? More information from the source might be as valuable as a re-diagnosis.