I don't know who yo look at when I'm talking to a group of people
this post was submitted on 18 Dec 2025
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ADHD
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Avoiding eye contact is typically associated with autism, but there is a lot of overlap between autism and ADHD. See also AuDHD
I often get overwhelmed with too much information when making eye contact, and I'm rarely able to listen/understand while making eye contact. The easiest way for me to listen is to be looking anywhere else. This does not always go well in a corporate environment, and did not go well when my parents were trying to reprimand me.
Phone calls or online meetings instead of face-to-face meetings can help (if you can cope with that). Otherwise, learning when eye contact is socially necessary and when you can relax a little can go a long way (or so I've heard, I still haven't mastered this one).
See also ! AuDHD @ lemmmy.world (edited to remove link)
That link doesn't work. Correct link !autisticandadhd@lemmy.world
do kinda doubt I have autism. I have many pretty good friends and while I do find it uncomfortable talking to new people I think thats pretty normal to some extent. Although I may be wrong.
I definitely am like that and definitely am autistic.
Did you know autistics not only often struggle to talk to new people, but can also have friends... unlike what many people claim?
Also, please don't say "have autism", that's painful to read. People might be autistic, but they don't "have" it.
Another thing to avoid: "person with autism" (It is: autistic person)
Sorry, I will have a look into the other symptoms of autism.
There are no specific symptoms, it's too complex. There are things that often occur, but for some people the opposite might be true and they are still autistic.
The best to learn more is to read as much as you can and make sure what you read is good quality, as there's a lot of bullshit out there when it comes ro autism.
Thanks. That was really arrogant of me to say I have friends so I mustn't be autistic, the only autistic people I actually know have many friends and I am friends with quite a few of there friends.
Anyhow I do notice that I have a few tenancies like extra attention to detail such as when choosing a spoon from a cutlery draw I will usually go through a few spoons to find one I like the look of. I also find things that move in nature really interesting, like creeks or rivers. Also I mentioned this before I recently found a recording of me watching an entire washing machine cycle. I'm not really sure if that is even a symptom or if it's just me, I'll look into it.
To me there are more things in there that seem autistic, but then it is also impossible to tell for sure from just one comment.
One thing in particular is noteworthy: Being friends with quite a few autistic people. Autistic people often end up becoming friends without knowing they're autistic, just because they often connect much better than with neurotypicals.
One thing that is often associated with being autistic is fascination with flowing water, but ADHD folks could also find that fascinating, of course.
I ment i am friends of friends of autistic people, I'm not directly friends with autistic people. Sorry I phrased that kinda badly.
To me this sounds like AuDHD, but this is obviously far from a diagnosis and I'm not a professional, I merely have read so much that I sometimes know better (lol)
Jokes aside, try this: https://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
It's so far the only online test that gets somewhat close to what a diagnosis would probably say and I've asked diagnosticians and they said it's useful to get a first idea whether to seek a diagnosis, as this mostly looks the same as their questionnaires. Don't forget to save the PDF with the full results at the end or you will have to do it again.
I know this isn't about me but tried taking the test just for fun, expecting to be in the low end and it rats me out as having a 50% chance of being on the spectrum.
If it wasn't for the fact that waiting lists and my non-existient patience are completely incompatible, it would be pretty cool to get tested to see if there's something to all this adhd and now autism thing or if I'm just normie-weirdo.
Anyways, I wish you the best, OP. Big hugs also yes to all the things you mentioned in your OP post @pineapple@lemmy.ml
I do indeed have moments where I just zone out for a long time. Fx i have been meaning to go to bed for close to two hours now, yet im still sitting on my couch and shifting between spacing out and checking my phone. Tend to daydream a lot.
Yes I have several comments/messages both here, on signal and on texts waiting for my reply for days, weeks or months and several unfinished drafts for those comments/messages in my notes.
And yes I struggle with eye contact, but mostly when I'm speaking. I have gotten fairly okay at keeping eye contact while listening to someone talk, only breaking it when I think about something they are saying or if they ask me a question.
Interesting, it seams like we are in a similar boat. Although I had a 100% chance of not being on the spectrum, although I forgot to save the pdf 💀 so I will do it again when I get around to it to get a better idea of the result.
Also go to sleep!
The fun thing about tests like these is that they indicate something but they could always be completely off either because the test taker isn't completely honest with themselves or are misinterpreting the question or some other reason. One can only be sure after they have seen a pro!
Personally, I have always known I wasn't completely normal. I thought I was super normal as a kid and that everybody else were the weird ones. But I'm also not weird enough for anything to be obvious with me. My spouse and I are 100% sure I have ADHD. He doesn't think I am autistic in any way. I don't know what I am, but I do find it interesting that the vast majority of people I have clicked with my whole life and have made friendships with are either ADHD or autistic or have some form of disorder like that. Every single one. My spouse is normal but grew up in a family full of ADHD'ers and has a few symptoms himself, but only the fun ones, like becoming obsessed with a hobby and getting really good at it and then suddenly dropping it when it no longer tickles his brain. Lucky bastard xD
Anyway! Good luck with the test again and I hope you get tested so you can get some answers! Especially if the symptoms you experience are disruptive to your life! Hug!
I hope you got some sleep also! XD
Yeah ok thanks. I am currently looking into getting profesionally tested.
Depending on your country it can sometimes take years to get an appointment, so you might have to ask several places and be patient. That's why many people educate themselves and self-diagnose before they finally get an official diagnosis. Which makes sense, as it is mostly about understanding yourself better and not much else, so there's little risk something could go wrong there, lol.
Where I am it should only take a few months, in the meantime some other lemmite showed me a test I should take.
Oh wait that other lemmite was you...
Anyhow I did the test and got 100% neurotypical.
Are any semi reliable tests for adhd?
I doubt it said "100 % neurotypical", it gives a much more detailed result.
I am right there with you. Eye contact makes me so uncomfortable, and I listen so much better when I'm looking at nothing.
I do but I also have autism. For me it's definitely more of an autism thing. I'm curious what it is for ADHD folks in here.
*AUDHD
I used to look down but then I got para that the person would think I was staring at their chebs so now I just look at the eyebrows.
Not that it matters because I usually forget what was said within seconds anyway.
I grew up in a rural area during the 80/90's so any diagnosis would just be 'shy or awkward kid'
Looking at someone’s chebs is natural. It’s right there, and it just sticks out. Sometimes people show a bit too much chebs though, and you can kinda see the knee weenus.
What's a chebs, hobbits?
Im out of the loops but chebs appears to refer to a wooden box with a hinged lid that you can store blankets inside of
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When I was a kid yes but my dad took it as disrespect so i traded it for masking and general anxiety
Look at the ground and orient my ear towards them or I'm not hearing anything they say
Do you also sit on your couch or bed and just stair out the window for like 30 minutes or longer at a time?
Yes!
I just found an old recording of me watching an entire washing machine cycle as a kid, I have no memory of this wth.
I remember to have watched the whole cycle the first time we got a washing machine, and suspect I'm autistic.
To me, doing this is the height of luxury and peace.
Yeah I also tend to face away (like sideways) from people when talking to them. I just dont like looking at people's eyes when talking. I dont mind shaking their hand or looking at their eyes when they talk though
This sounds pretty similar to my experience. I have a hard time looking at just one thing for any stretch of time, and eye contact is especially difficult, because it makes me think about what I look like, which is another distraction from the conversation that I'm probably already missing
I don't do it intentionally, but my wife often tells me to look at her when she's talking so she knows I'm listening.
The rest you wrote sounds a lot like ADHD inattentive type, especially executive distinction. And caffeine is a stimulant which can have similar effects as meds. If you can still sleep without problems or even better after drinking coffee, that's an additional indication.
The problem with ADHD is that most of our struggles are things "everybody has once in a while" but it's so much more often and extreme that it makes our lives harder.
Get checked if you have the possibility.
Coffee does help but I dont notice it a ton, and it only lasts for like 2 hours.
I always thought caffiene was overhyped because it had like no effect on me. But now i have noticed it helps me focus.
Yeah, that's why I drank about 8 coffees a day before I even suspected having ADHD. I just knew I can work better with it and thought that this is the effect others experience too when they say that they need one.
If you can still sleep without problems or even better after drinking coffee, that's an additional indication.
I wish I had known this was a symptom decades ago. Ever since I started drinking coffee, I knew it didn't keep me up, but I only found out I was ADHD a few years ago.
Same here. Never understood when people didn't drink coffee after dinner, saying that they wouldn't be able to sleep all night.
Try stimulant meds + caffeine and you'll find out :)
Caffeine without stimulants will do something similar to only stimulants, but combined those have an effect much like what a neurotypical person would experience using only caffeine.
Yes I learned this lesson pretty fast after changing meds. I started with methylphenidat and took it for two years, with that caffeine had the same effect as b without stimulants. But after trying different doses I wasn't happy with the result, so I changed to Elvanse. Now I drink 2 or 3 cups a day but also don't feel the need for more.
I can't think when I'm focusing on making eye contact with someone.
Like. I'm looking at you in the eyes or I'm paying attention to what you're saying but I can't do both.
Tip for eye contact: look at their nose instead. Apparently it looks like you're making eye contact but it's much less weird to do. Thank you the my college teacher for that tip, it's served me well over the years
I used to, before I took public speaking lessons. I still tend to move my eyes around a lot in personal conversations, though.
Sometimes, but not always.
I start to think about which eye to look at and that distracts me, so for close friends I do much less eye contact than with people I'm meeting or working with
I don't struggle with eye contact because I purposefully avoid it.
🤣
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