this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2025
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badposting

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Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?


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[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 29 points 3 days ago (1 children)

He's real and he's also a class traitor bourgeoise pig and I'm working within the elves to unionize and overthrow the Claus regime.

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 16 points 3 days ago

he got me a 2DS that year i wanted a 3DS so his fascist ass can face the wall for all i care

[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 18 points 3 days ago

Santa Denial is the 12th form of liberalism and gets you gulag’d.

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

We are going to arrest him.

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 14 points 3 days ago

His existence notwithstanding.

[–] CrispyFern@hexbear.net 16 points 3 days ago

Idk I fucked him first tho

[–] William_Nilliam@hexbear.net 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)

norad follows him wherever he goes so he must be doing something right

[–] DelgadoSlims@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago (2 children)

This is correct. If Santa Claus is real, capitalist governments would be incentivized to stop him to protect the retail market. Like how they sprayed kerosene on the oranges in Grapes of Wrath

[–] Cat_Daddy@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

Best argument I've ever heard against the existence of both santa claus and god

[–] William_Nilliam@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

Nightmare before Christmas is the most accurate depiction of how the west would treat Santa Claus

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

Santa Claus gets the wall.

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago

The yugoslav communist government introduced a new father christmas to replace the one tainted by capitalism. Which means that Slovenia now has 3 father Christmases

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago

We are going to let the elves decide his fate

[–] HarryLime@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago

Whenever I asked my parents whether Santa existed they would just say "Santa is the spirit of Christmas" which was infuriating because it's not at all an answer to the question.

[–] moss_icon@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

He’s real and he’s getting sent to the gulags once we get the elves to bring the revolution to the North Pole

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago

Afaik it's still tim allen

[–] DylanMc6@hexbear.net 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

santa may or may NOT be real, it depends

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

shouldn't we have a more resolute, principled, and clear stance on such a divisive issue?

[–] DylanMc6@hexbear.net 7 points 3 days ago

santa is a jolly old person who's very angry at the fact that christmas has become a very commercial and consumerist holiday?

[–] Guamer@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

Not only does he exist, but he's also gay. And I ain't talkin' about "happy".

[–] Euergetes@hexbear.net 6 points 3 days ago

Santa Claus is real, he's bourgeois, and he owes me fucking money

[–] ghosts@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago

He's a veeeeeery well integrated socialist spy in the never-ending War on Christmas rat-salute

[–] SweatySteven@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Santa is one of the angels God sent down to Sodom and Gomorrah to see if anyone was worth saving. Santa was just hanging out on Earth for the most part but, after a while, boredom and loneliness set in. So after long time of doing nothing, Jesus came and did the whole eternal salvation gimmick. Santa, who was envious of Jesus for getting a religion named after him, decided to capitalize off of Jesus' hard work and wanted a piece of the action. Unlike Jesus, however, he wasn't willing to be a martyr. So he used his present-making magic and, instead of giving salvation to all who deserved it, he gave presents to all who deserved them.

Biblical scholars believe the other angel sent down to Sodom and Gomorrah was probably Joan of Arc. Her jealousy was also about on par with Santa. A fun fact about Joan of Arc is that before she was martyred, she tried to start a religion by adding another testament to the Abrahamic faith, similar to the mormons. However, hats weren't invented at that time, so there was nothing to read religious texts out of. Instead, frustrated with a lack of a following, she invented a backstory and got martyred and canonized.

[–] Maturin@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

However, hats weren't invented at that time, so there was nothing to read religious texts out of

data-laughing

[–] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

Hes not real but if he is we should kill him

[–] Carl@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

There are two Saint Nicholas'. One is a jolly elf who gives toys to children, the other is a corporate mascot invented by Coca Cola in the 1950s.

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

Patron saint of prostitutes

[–] SchillMenaker@hexbear.net 3 points 2 days ago

He's real and he's a fucking Trot