company with 1.5 million employees worldwide is now 'nimble' after firing 14,000 employees
this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2025
97 points (100.0% liked)
Chapotraphouse
14152 readers
641 users here now
Banned? DM Wmill to appeal.
No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
Slop posts go in c/slop. Don't post low-hanging fruit here.
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
the VP of People Experience deserves to experience 14,000 people who have just been fired.
You heard of PR. Now introducing PE
Now give me ten laps around the field
People Experience.... Hmmm... To paraphrase the Beatles: All you need is one, one / One is all you need
I hate the porks so much.
I literally can’t get a job because none of these useless pigs ever want to expand their business and they always act strapped for cash at every single turn.
I’m not too lazy for capitalism, capitalism is too lazy for me.
Just one more tax cut, bro. Just one more, we promise.
Beth really thought 'nimble' was gonna work.
Dearest Shitcanned Employee,
You're fired. But we're nimble!
Sincerely,
Beth "Nimblemaxing" Galetti
“Don’t worry poor. While you’re homeless, take rest in knowing we’re thriving and we no longer need so many workers!”
Capitalism: where workers are punished for being too successful.
Nimblemaxing.
This is when the worker chooses to train themselves, as much as possible, for the sake of diversifying their portfolio, so that they can change their career path at a moment notice, should their employees no longer require their service.
It's called quietnimbling. Also related to quietnumbing; where one drinks alone every night to deal with living in hell.
Truly the most infuriating part of the modern American capitalist machine is how smart it thinks it is.
Yes, we know what you're saying, it looks worse when you dress it up not better.
That's just classic HR speak.
Just saying it again. HR roles are roles that attract former high school bullies.
-
look for any reason, no matter how small or minute, to keep jobs away from people. Literally you are paid to exclude people from the economy
-
You have no shame so you’re not embarrassed by pretending to be a quirky little dumbass who can’t read resumes or gets all scawed and confoosed when not everything is spoonfed to them, or just “forgetting” every step of the way. I swear, HR enjoys acting stupid.
-
Finding any excuse to fire everyone or not hire anyone and frame it not as porky’s incompetence, but porky having such high expectations actually.
guys im so nimble rn watch as i overwork and underpay my employees to burn out then claim no one wants to work anymore
we're pivoting to being nimble so we can all align easier on current workstreams and reduce capacity waste
lets move the needle folks but only after this land acknowledgement
We're implementing a reorientation of operational focus towards avenues of alacrity and proven business-need, to wit, security is here to escort you from the premises
No, that's too last year, this year we're acknowledging the wisdom of the Fuhrer
I was wondering why they were doing the 'we pay and average of $23 an hour (don't ask about our quartile averages)!' push. It's because they are not talking about how many less people they are paying lol.
Nimble? Nimble deez nuts!
you are looking mighty nimble tonight 
Please no my nimbles are sore
Nimblemaxing