this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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Funny

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[–] Tempus_Fugit@midwest.social 42 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I've played enough Dark Souls to recognize this weapon. It's the Flamberge. Not my favorite quality weapon, not the best strength or dex scaling. Still a cool greatsword.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 13 points 10 months ago (2 children)

That seems like an unwise way to hold that sword. "Ow, my shoulder!"

[–] Mnemnosyne@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

Got a pauldron protecting the shoulder, gorget protecting the neck, helmet protecting head and ear. There's no possible harm that might come to you holding the sword that way.

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The beef jerky never complains.

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Well yeah but they also moan when hit.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 27 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Fuck I'd pick that in the blink of an eye

[–] NABDad@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You know, that's how you end up with a cursed sword that does no damage and reduces your armor by 20%.

Good luck letting go of it once it's too late.

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Doesn't matter ~~had sex~~

[–] Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 10 months ago

For real, I wouldn't even have a chance to take a fucking picture

[–] orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I bought a fucking claymore once. It was as tall as I was and weighed a ton. Swinging it, even the correct way, was absolutely batshit for a 175 pound human. I have no idea what I was thinking.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 22 points 10 months ago

You were thinking.

[–] hypna@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Modern replicas of many of these historical weapons are often twice as heavy as the real thing. A field Zweihander would have been somewhere around 5 lbs.

[–] orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 10 months ago

Yep. Unless crafted in the correct way with the right metal, shape, etc., etc., it's a glorified piece of rebar.

I have a beautifully made hand-and-a-half sword that is very wieldable.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

What is this contraption it's leaning against? Feels like a trap.

[–] CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That's what I'm wondering. Everything about it screams "dumpster" but then why does it have those giant, trap-like appendages?

[–] Lumisal@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Because it's a cybertruck

[–] thelsim@sh.itjust.works 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

This has cursed written all over it.

[–] ExtremeUnicorn@feddit.org 3 points 10 months ago

I'm getting my Diablo 2 PTSD triggered by this.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 10 months ago

A zweihander?!

I can become...

GIANT DAD