petition to designate Tactical Breach Wizards as the only game worthy of being referred to as "the wizard game"
this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2025
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Excuse me but this is Noita slander
if you cannot build a wand that fires a projectile that spawns a deer in the exact spot you are standing but one world over, then hits that deer with a swapper bolt, effectively transporting you between worlds on demand
then you are not playing noita
if you cannot build a wand that fires an infinite lifetime homing projectile that burrows through materials and turns any enemy it hits into a pile of gold on contact (including yourself! watch the fuck out!)
then you are not playing noita
if you cannot amass hundreds of thousands if not millions of points of health, travel between worlds selecting every damage immunity perk available, travel at max speed with no regard for materials or enemies in your way obliterating everything in your path with huge wands of expanding complexity and utility, then slam headfirst into a random polymorph projectile, get turned into a sheep and one-shotted, no boss kill for you?
then guess what
At a certain point I have to ask what the Noita devs even wanted the player to do
Solve the most obtuse puzzles ever imagined, of course.
"do." seems like the most correct descriptor for what they wanted from us
I got frustrated with Noita and gave up. Can someone describe the ideal approach and/or drugs needed to better appreciate it?
watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDFdi8XU6M0
it explains wands. noita is all about the wands. having a solid grasp of what wands are capable of and what spells you should be looking for and why gives you a massive leg up.
if you want a further leg up, go to the wiki (noita.wiki.gg) whenever you encounter something in the game that you have a question about. it's pretty well spoilered too, so you don't have to see any content that you want to stumble across in your own play.
however... noita is expressly a community game. it's taken a lot of gamers playing a lot of noita to get to the current state of progression in the games puzzles, and a lot of really useful information is in those spoilers. so unless you are a true "i wanna do it myself" gamer, feel free.
I think that the devs don't intend for people to look everything up. The watchtower in the desert hints at players to try going up and finding the islands, which is a pretty direct hint that wouldn't be necessary if you were already the kind of freak who was gonna go up to the Sky Work to get some spells (granted, experienced players always prefer Hell over the Sky because there's fewer ways to get poly'd in Hell). You can find most of the bosses just moving to the sides from the main path, although you have to be very careful and know how to deal with swappers if you go for the Master of Masters through the intended path. The bosses you'd probably never find normally are Tiny, Meat Realm Kolmi, Mecha Kolmi (three you could find normally if you randomly stumble upon the overgrown cavern and keep exploring), the friend boss, the Leviathan (you could find him accidentally too if you're like me and dig into PWs super low just to avoid being on the surface where the hollow squidwards are, if you're coming back from E1 through the bottom for some reason), and the Forgotten, who is difficult to find even on purpose with noitamap.com in my second screen.
Main reason you wouldn't find those organically is because runs that get far enough that you have the possibility of finding them make most players risk-averse enough to look them up first.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
You should look at it like a soft Metroidvania. First just try to get deeper each run, until you can beat the main final boss (let me know if this is something you're struggling with, I have some more beginner oriented tips but it would take a while to write them all if you already got past that phase). Once you can do that, try finding the other bosses. Some of them will give you tools that make beating others more approachable. Unlike other metroidvania games, though, nothing you get from any of the bosses is directly necessary for anything else, and you can kill any of the bosses using very few tools if you know what you're doing. I've killed the hardest boss in the game before even clearing the first level because the game spawned me in with berserkium (tbh I think that mechanic is actually a bug but you could do the same with invisibilium).
But they all give you stuff that, even if it seems meh, can be huge. Making a projectile have 0 duration makes teleport bolt instant. Greek letter spells give you infinite digging of any material, but they can also call each other (except Omega can't), allow you to apply a modifier multiple times, ignore mana costs, or duplicate projectiles to deal more damage. Add trigger has a lot of forbidden tech, even beyond the simple use of ignoring modifier mana costs.
::: spoiler specific instructions for breaking the game
On a new run, after you get past the coal pits and are at the snowy depths, you can try very hard to get wands that may dig through hard materials. Black hole and luminous drill are your friends here. You can also try to find one out of a list of spells that are helpful for one particular boss:
- Explosive crystal + homing
- Personal lightning caster
- Personal tentacler
- Personal fireball thrower
- thunder charge
- 2x explosive shot modifiers on any projectile or 1x on a projectile that is already explosive but make sure it deals 300+ damage before attempting
- other big damage explosive spells
If you don't have any of these, keep going through the levels. If you leave the green diamond at each Holy Mountain and find a black hole spell later, 3 charges are all you need to climb your way back up 1 level if you shoot directly up from the shop. Then you can grab the refresh and do it again. Just get to the snowy depths with a big explosive wand.
Then use the area to the east of the snowy depths to climb your way back up to the mine. You can head out over the giant tree (there's a lot of ways to get over it, but you do need some tool here. Teleportation, pouring mud against the tree to rest on as you fly up, digging into the tree to create rests, or levitatium are your friends here) and into the snow. There will be an eye there which you should grab. Head west until there's a church in the background mountain lined up with your position and dig down. You'll have to dig thru rock, which will be easier with black holes, explosives, or luminous drill (but you can also use the eye if necessary). You'll land at a boss arena where you may slap the boss with the spells I listed and win easily, just wait until his shield drops and make sure to move around a lot when he casts his sigils, they can insta kill you even with 300 hp. If you're using personal tentacler, fireball thrower, or lightning caster then gtfo the arena as soon as you shoot him.
Once you kill that guy, he'll drop some tools you can use to reach any other boss, but to be able to actually beat them you'll have to be creative and use the tools from the guide progaimergirl sent. I wouldn't worry about the super advanced mechanics, it might be overkill to worry about them too much unless you're doing something very specific that requires precise use of advanced mechanics. I've had some use for them, and there's even some usecases that could come up early in a run (namely how easy it is to make an infinite lifetime deadly healing bolt if you find a single reduce lifetime and some greek letter spells; granted this still requires boomerang, piercing shot, and drilling shot to be useful) but they're rare and not gonna matter if you can get through the early part of a run reliably. Mastering the basics of making wands that can safely kill enemies in the first 3 floors is 10x more important than knowing how to abuse recursion and add trigger.
You may also wish to go far to the east or west. There will be walls there, but if you have infinite digging, ambrosia, and a bit of determination the walls won't stop you.
thanks for reminding me to resume my sun quest
This is Master of Magic erasure!
Wizardry deserves it, there's Wizard in the title.
And Magicka may have a rebuttal, but they're still figuring out how to combine it effectively.
magicka is arguing heartily but you're hearing none of it due to packet loss
The arena combat they made was really fun while it lasted
The Spell Brigade is getting there, eventually. Maybe they'll have more than one song on the soundtrack by Q3 2026.
gotta be honest folks buying the game to leave a bad review does seem mostly impotent to this guy
The first review might have gotten a refund
fair
All of these same reviews but recommended instead, and it's 
"It's not murder if you transmute people into powderkegs before detonating them near their friends."
Seems kind of like a weird way to justify mass murder with a technicality, which seems perfectly in line with what the Black Mold Bigot is all about.
british 'people'
(0.4 hours at review) then goes on to play another 24 hours good job
For some people, they care about the spectacle of pretending to care about trans rights while still really just wanting to play some game without people bugging them. I remember seeing a small streamer float the idea of making their streams playing the game charity streams for some trans cause, but it was clear the only reason they were suggesting doing that was so they'd have a comeback when people complained.
they could just pirate it and play the stupid game without giving jk Rowling money and then there's no problem
They shouldn't be streaming it and popularising jkr's IP though
You can't really do that on stream, though, right? Feels like it would get them in some legal trouble if they admitted that lol.
you just start the stream with the game loaded up, e z
the meme is even more apt when you realize the deserter got the game just to leave a bad review and refund, but kim and measurehead both ended up materially supporting the moralintern (the wizard game)