No Stupid Questions

I think it's impossible to assume anything at all. With cultural, age and gender differences, it's difficult to figure out what the intentions of another person are, unless they state them clearly. Neither you or he did that.

As a guy, I can assure you that guys do not understand subtle hints or can even logically deduce where this casual acquaintance is going from what you have already described.

You'll need to be very clear. Maybe then he will also tell or show you his own intentions more clearly.

But first you need to know yourself what you actually want to hang out with this guy for and if it's worthwhile maintaining the friendship for whatever reason. It makes sense if you have mutual interests or benefits from keeping in touch. However, my best guess based on your description of him offering a back massage is that he might have more romantic intentions than you. In that case it's best for both of you to be brutally clear and end his hopes instead of "friend-zoning" him. It might feel unpleasant, but it's crucial to be clear. If he reacts negatively, well, there's your answer.

This can't be judged well from afar imo.

My wife and i also got together two months before she was supposed to move to a different city. If people genuinely love each other, commuting and making things work is possible and people have done it before. In the case of my wife the different city didn't work out after all. When we got together it started with us trying to talk ourselves out of it, because of all the reasons why it should not work. Now we are going strong since more than 5 years.

Life reality doesn't work in terms of "now i will date and now i will find a suitable partner" or "now is not the time". People who limit or push themselves like this end up sabotaging themselves imo.

You will have to trust your guts on this. It is set that you will move. If he is serious, he will find a solution for this. If he is that rich and he is unhappy where he lives now, there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to make it work that you life in a different city. If he doesn't, then it isn't meant to be.

The age difference is an issue though in the sense that his life experience makes it easier for him to control situations and make promises not to hold up, than the other way round. This does not mean that it has to be the case. You should see to judge him by his actions, not by words.

Is there any comfortable way to bring up this topic without making me sound like a narcissist who assumed a guy wants to sleep with her just because he asked her out🥲.

I wouldn't say you sound like a narcissist but this does sound immature. "He wants to sleep with you" and "he just wants to sleep with you" are two different things. It sounds to me that he likes you and wants to spend time with you, and maybe-probably also wants to sleep with you. Is that enough for you? It's enough for some people, though obviously not for everyone. Either way, talk to him about it.

Pretty much everyone in this thread is being dumb. The solution to your problem is this: talk to him. Literally just pick up your phone right now and text him - "hey, when we went out for coffee, ummm... I feel awkward asking this, but, was that a date?" If he says no, apologise for assuming and continue enjoying his company as a friend. If he says yes, tell him you like him as a friend and appreciate his interest, but that you aren't interested because you are moving to a different city.

At what point can you possibly have come up with "He just wants to sleep with me"? You two went to a café, shared your current life situations and plans for the future, and left amicably. Unless youre leaving a LOT out about what he said, that is a baseless assumption.

As a happily married 39 year old I look at the modern dating scene with horror. I think that he probably doesn't "just" want to sleep with you, he probably just likes having someone like you in his life. People can be complex, we construct these binaries that simplify things, reality is more complicated. If you enjoy hanging out with a person, do that. Don't lead him on just to get to go on nice dates, and also be aware that he might be a pig that does just want to sleep with you. Maybe he mentioned going on trips to try to entice you into a relationship. Don't get into a position where you feel like you owe him anything.

The age difference is pretty big but there's a lot of loneliness in the world. So maybe talk to your mutual friends, does he have a history of chasing younger women?

Is there any comfortable way to bring up this topic without making me sound like a narcissist who assumed a guy wants to sleep with her just because he asked her out🥲.

I'm less interested in knowing his motivation than I am in your motivation for saying yes and going out with him. Whatever is motivating you to go out with him, that is what you need to communicate, rather than just saying "I'm not going to sleep with you."

Might sound like a crazy take, but if you just make sure you (only) do what you want and are clear about your intentions towards him, you should be fine.

If you want to have a drink from some casual company until you leave - do that.

If you want some steamy sexy time for one night and then leave - again, do that.

If you really like the guy and might actually consider some sort of longer relationship - guess what, do that.

Just be clear and honest, towards him and yourself. That way he can decide what he wants from you.

And as all engineers know: assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups, so avoid those at all cost.

Maybe I missed something but nowhere in this discussion do you mention whether you want to sleep with him? Even when people sort of prompted you.

If you fancy him, take it to the next level. I imagine he's keeping it light for plausible deniability in case nothing happens or he gets rejected.

Either make a move or tell him you're not interested in a relationship. Figure out your own intentions instead of trying to mindread him.

13 years is a significant age gap for someone in their mid twenties.

I am certain he wants to have sex with you, wether or not he is thinking about a long term relationship, I have no insights.

It could be that he is not thinking about that. You are pretty vague on when you are relocating, so maybe he thinks that if the two of you work out, than you will stay.