The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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Group of teen girls convinces JD Vance to kill himself (theonion.com)

submitted 3 months ago by MHLoppy@fedia.io to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works

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Lighting up his phone night and day with their cruel taunts, a group of teenage girls reportedly convinced Vice President JD Vance to kill himself Tuesday. “Everyone I know thinks you’re so gross,” 16-year-old Bailey Hayworth said in a video message she sent to Vance, causing the vice president of the United States to throw himself on his bed as he contemplated ending everything just to stop the constant stream of barbs from the high school sophomore and her mean friends on the junior varsity volleyball team—Abigail, Paige, Payton, and Sofia. [...]

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[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 59 points 3 months ago

Sometimes it’s nice to read uplifting fiction. This is one of those.

[–] Dojan@pawb.social 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The one time I thought it said “nottheonion” it had to be the fucking onion.

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Maybe tholl be one of those onion things that happens!?

[–] PentastarM@midwest.social 26 points 3 months ago

[–] Xanthrax@lemmy.world 22 points 3 months ago

"Hey, you know what? You should definitely run in 2028.”

Lmao

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago

Don't tease us like that...

[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

In a cruel twist of events, the girls also killed themselves after voluntarily talking to JD

[–] Lucky_777@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Sofia about to get that ICE visit

[–] DemBoSain@midwest.social 4 points 3 months ago

Payton is such a bitch. She's just mad that her mom is dating a 25 year old.