this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2025
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chapotraphouse

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[–] SovietBeerTruckOperator@hexbear.net 40 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I proposed to my wife by kidnapping her and putting her in a custom built underground cell for a week depriving her of natural light and only feeding her white rice and Gatorade. Every night I'd blast the theme song to Barney at full volume into the cell.

Finally I came down in a mask with a box and told her she had to see what was inside, and sure enough it was a ring.

She said no, and now im doing five years in prison deeper-sadness

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

#GamersRiseUp #MGTOW

[–] DornerStan@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 2 days ago

smh you forgot to put high doses of LSD into the gatorade

[–] BanSwitch2Buyers@hexbear.net 26 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I literally can't. I've made a big sign that I carry out and about that says "LOOKING FOR A SWITCH2-FREE GIRL FRIEND" and I've only met one woman with it and she had a Switch2 and said she thought I was joking and I said I definitely wasn't and then a bunch of stuff that my lawyer told me not to talk about happened.

Sucks.

[–] BanSwitch2Buyers@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Imagining my future girlfriend coming home with a Switch 2 box. I freak out. She says "look inside the box." I look. It's a wedding ring. She asks "will you marry me?"

I say no. How fucking dare you ruin this moment with your little scheme.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Switch 2 is apparently really bad tho

[–] SchillMenaker@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Is it as bad as The Patriarchy?

[–] BanSwitch2Buyers@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

I'm going to say it.

The Switch 2 is patriarchal.

No, I will not explain.

[–] BadTakesHaver@hexbear.net 23 points 2 days ago

are you saying I should cancel my plans to fake an active shooting to propose to my gf

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 22 points 2 days ago

Look ive had some bad ideas before but at least I never got close to this

[–] salmoura@lemmy.eco.br 36 points 2 days ago

The Clint Eastwood gif in the original thread is most appropriate.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

how did this moron get a first date?

[–] RedSailsFan@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

wouldn't know, i haven't had an in-person conversation outside of immediate family in years

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 23 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Incredibly fucked up but also so funny at the same time

[–] Aradino@hexbear.net 29 points 2 days ago (2 children)

What the FUCK

This is grounds for murder tbh. Straight up mock execution

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

check the one I posted last year with the same title, let me grab it for ya

https://hexbear.net/post/3001966

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

They're lucky someone didn't walk into the store, see a guy pointing a gun at people cowering on the floor, then open fire with a real gun, thinking they're saving the lives of three people. Like holy shit there's so much that can go wrong here. Especially if some cop saw this going down and decided this was the perfect time to spray and pray a store.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago

Bro what the fuck

[–] Feinsteins_Ghost@hexbear.net 30 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'd say yes just to take the ring, sell that bitch, buy some Pabst and just get tanked.

What a fucking clown.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 27 points 2 days ago

M'am the beer is going to treat you way better than he is.

[–] TheLepidopterists@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago

Jesus Christ, what could possess a man to do that

[–] Azarova@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago

coming around to the conclusion that the cishets have never been okay

[–] Blakey@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Jesus Christ. I clicked on it thinking about a story Boonta Vista covered where a dude ran a stop sign on campus intending to be pulled over by the campus cop for his "prom-posal" (Americans, you are insane) and seriously injuring another student on a motorbike but this is so much worse. Men are broken tbh. Not in like a redemptive way or anything we just really fucking suck.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 3 points 2 days ago

Destroying countless of lives in order to get faster to the ritual of asking in the cringest possible way "Would you go to a party with me where afterwards it's still nowadays implied we fuck"

[–] Comrade_Mushroom@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago
[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 25 points 2 days ago

Ah yeah Inside Edition, being classy since forever.

this is actually demonic

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 17 points 2 days ago (2 children)

didn't watch the whole thing, did she still say yes?

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)
[–] 9to5@hexbear.net 17 points 2 days ago

Marrying the love of my life at the waffle house parking lot

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

I think she said yes cause she thought they were both gonna die... Right

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

of course.. this is how chuds are able to reproduce

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 days ago

This can't be fucking real. Holy shit what the actual fuck.

[–] PTSDwarrior@lemmy.ml 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I already told my boyfriend, if I didn’t have him, I’d have chosen the bear a long time ago. I know he wouldn’t do anything like this to me. We haven’t had the marriage conversation though.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Then the mock ICE raid proposal is gonna be a real surprise

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 22 points 2 days ago
[–] larrikin99@hexbear.net 21 points 2 days ago

he is hacking the suspension bridge effect.

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago

Y'all should've never wished me back with those dragonballs

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)
[–] Abracadaniel@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

Connor O'Malley?

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 2 days ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

How the absolute fuck is this considered attractive?

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

A Reddit link was detected in your post. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.