this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2023
320 points (94.9% liked)

Not The Onion

12295 readers
406 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

Amazon sold bottles of urine marketed as an energy drink, a new documentary reveals. The company also makes it alarmingly easy to sell dangerous items to children.

all 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.one 152 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not surprising in the least. I was part of an Amazon product review program, but I stopped participating after seeing multiple posts for pet treats that contained ingredients that are harmful to dogs. Reporting the listings was a nightmare, and they were never taken down.

Fuck you, Amazon.

[–] Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not sure if I want to blame Amazon or just pet food companies.

I had two cats. My first cat died around 4 years. The vet tried her best. The second cat was hitting the same symptoms and went on a special vet diet and still lives.

I got two new cats later. Decide to feed them supermarket pet food. Same symptoms as the prior cats around the same age.

I now feed them expensive cat foods that's 3x the cost. They have been happy and healthy.

I know not everyone can afford it. But I highly suspect that modern cheap catfood is full of bad shit.

[–] gothic_lemons@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What was the pet food that hurt your cats? What pet food do you give them now?

[–] QualifiedKitten@kbin.social 22 points 1 year ago

Not the person you responded to, but my vet strongly urged me to transition my cats to primarily wet food, saying that the cheapest wet food is still better than the best dry food. I could go on and on and on, but to be brief, they provide different ratios of carbs:protein (cats are obligate carnivores and require almost zero carbs) and cats that eat primarily wet food are much more likely to be adequately hydrated.

The cheap pet food at supermarkets. Anything Purina. I'd argue any supermarket pet food, but I'm not a animal nutritionist.

I currently buy pet food from small pet food stores that have a wider variety. Currently I feed them this 4-ingredient dry cat food that costs like 4x times the supermarket price, and daily wet food recommended by the vet.

[–] FarFarAway@startrek.website 12 points 1 year ago

I used to work at a vet clinic. Almost all the cats with new urinary blockages ate fancy feast, cat chow, or some similar Wal-Mart brand.

I would feel bad even feeding feral cats that crap.

[–] Sludgehammer@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

To give them a very tiny sliver of credit, they did pull a good number of the radioactive "quantum healing" quackery they were selling... after it got attention of course.

[–] GONADS125@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

Wish on the other hand....

So many radioactive products instructed to be worn over major arteries in one place for extended periods of time. What could go wrong?..

[–] uphillbothways@kbin.social 114 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Humans are burning down the wrong Amazon.

[–] brewbellyblueberry@sopuli.xyz 25 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I just learned that the Amazon tablet/e-reader thing is literally called Amazon Fire. Like... Seriously. It's a little on the nose, no? Like Bezos and his team KNOW and sell this shit to people laughing all the way to the bank and people just line up. I'm so done with this world.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The e-reader is the Kindle. But that's just how they started the Fire.

[–] Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Wasn't it always burning since the world was turning?

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Shut up and take my upvote!

[–] brewbellyblueberry@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh shit that completely slipped my mind, but I'm not really all that up to speed with Amazon products.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's fair. Honestly, it was kind of a dumb move on their part to name their tablets "Kindle Fire" on release, as it confused almost everyone with what was an e-reader and what wasn't. By the time they returned it to just "Fire" / "Fire Tablet" to match other product families (Fire Phone, Fire TV), the damage was done. The only reason I can keep it straight is the fact that I worked on them for a decade.

[–] brewbellyblueberry@sopuli.xyz 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I mean it's kind of genius marketing though, just straight up comically villainous/evil, like we're living in a cartoon. One of the top 3, if not the top 1, companies has branches called "The Amazon Fire" while we're literally fucking burning the rainforests in Amazon down. Amazon Kindle, Amazon Fire. That shit is just evil.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I never thought of it this way but yeah... That made it through a bunch of levels in their company and no one there thought of it either. Wow...

[–] Treefox@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

Don't forget the Amazon FireTV stick.

[–] pedro@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

That one is very good. It's mine now thanks

[–] x4740N@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Could always build something home-made rocket launchers and incindiary missiles and launch from a distance

Or you could yeet a molotov cocktail at an amazon warehouse but tuat requires you to be closer and is more riskier

/s

This is a joke NSA, CIA, ASIO, etc

[–] Steveanonymous@lemmy.world 60 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Che_Donkey@lemmy.ml 73 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hahaha the onion always deliv....waitaminute

[–] pgetsos@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago

Thought the same. "Well, TheOnion must be out of ide-"

[–] Neato@kbin.social 51 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

But inside, each bottle was filled with urine allegedly discarded by Amazon delivery drivers and collected from plastic bottles by the side of the road.

That didn’t stop Amazon from listing it for sale, though. Release even attained number one bestseller status in the “Bitter Lemon” category.

Absolutely amazing.

(No members of the public were actually sent driver urine; instead Butler corralled a group of friends into making the purchases.)

That's good. But the fact that someone could buy it and get sent urine via Amazon is horrifying.

Knowing that Amazon processes returns based on the weight of the incoming packages, he sends back buckets of sand to get his money back—attempting to shield himself from legal liability for fraud by running everything through a shell company in Belize.

They STILL do this? I remember people saying they buy refurbished or open-box graphics cards and received bricks. That was more than a decade ago.

[–] YoFrodo@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago

Also this part

“I thought that the food and drinks licensing would stop me from listing it, so I started it out in this Refillable Pump Dispenser category. Then the algorithm moved it into drinks.”

[–] bitsplease@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

They STILL do this? I remember people saying they buy refurbished or open-box graphics cards and received bricks. That was more than a decade ago.

They'll keep doing it until it stops being cost effective. The fact is that the number of fraudsters are drastically outnumbered by good actors, and compared to their revenue, a few missing graphics cards are literally nothing

[–] DancingIsForbidden@lemmy.world 42 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

as someone that drives for Amazon flex I am shockingly chill about this news, I just want to know how I can get paid by selling my piss through amazon

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm honestly shocked that Amazon would let them sell piss. That seems like more of an OnlyFans market.

[–] DancingIsForbidden@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

hell, if the demand is there, I shall supply the market, on any website they desire! I will chug water for several hours a day in between bringing you your packages, america! a deep sacrifice I am willing to make for the poor souls who need an energy boost and yet have 6.99 in discretionary income.

[–] Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

This HAS to be the onion, please

[–] SmoothIsFast@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago
[–] DessertStorms@kbin.social 15 points 1 year ago
[–] dlpkl@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

Oobah is fucking hilarious yet incredibly illuminating on issues that you don't hear much about. Ghost kitchens, snooty haute couture, and now selling body fluids to stay afloat. Wild.

[–] Uvine_Umbra@partizle.com 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

There are limits to these 'not the onion' jokes...

Edit after reading:

OK, at least none were actually sold to unaware people to drink, thank god!!!

Though to think Amazon was more than ready to sell them tho...

[–] GerPrimus@feddit.de 11 points 1 year ago

They should stop hiring screenwriters from black mirror

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Would this still be a story if it were eBay?

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 year ago

Probably, eBay was just in the news for this

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)