disabled

Was helping my sibling out yesterday with some health insurance stuff, their treatment had been stalled so needed to see their primary care provider but the mf was in a different system all together. Navigating the insurance site to change it was a nightmare so I was coaching them what to say on the phone and I think we got a doctor that exists. Beforehand I was just calling up clinics to confirm if these doctors even were real and it was a pain... pretty sure the insurance site was just using ai to scrape local doctors around here not really checking to see if they were real and that rightly pisses me off. At least the lady on the phone was way more helpful

They say youth is wasted on the young. Well, I say health is wasted on the healthy. All these people with able bodies and good health, ruining it with junk food or other habits, sitting indoors doomscrolling all day when they could be outside doing activities. I wish to be able bodied again. I want to hike for miles along the coast instead of sitting around frustrated.

I've been focused on my health lately, and I just got out of the hospital (maintenance, not emergency). Even if I don't improve my condition I've at least been improving my reaction to it and stress from it, blahblahblah. That said, I'm basically under house arrest since I'm so goddamn fatigued, and I may have a long trial-and-error period with new medications coming up. I know I'm doing what's best for both my physical and my mental health but it's a major bummer to not be able to be involved in any organizing at a time like this. I hope that I can achieve some sort of stability soon and can pick things back up, even if it's not on the front lines. @Frank@hexbear.net had a great comment here a while back that I'm trying to keep in mind:

Whenever folks express dismay that they can't do cool activism stuff on the front lines i try to remind them that an army marches on it's stomach and there's lots of logistics things that need to be done that don't involve marches and protest camps. Handling phones, making food, taking care of kids, coordinating intelligence, teaching classes and sharing expert knowledge. Many people can fight for a cause in ways that go beyonf the highly visible stereotypes of what protesting looks like but our society makes people think they're useless if they can't play tennis with tear gas cannisters.

Med students are having chatgpt do their ethics exams. I don't have a comment. Just a statement.

Inside me there are two wolves. One wants a nap, the other one has drunk so much garbage my blood type is caffeine.

i do not like that unemployment has become a meme thing to make fun of people for lately

Might be a bit redundant, but, as we head into the weekend again I want you all to remember that you matter, you are loved, and you belong! Thank you for being such an awesome community and always lovin on one another; it's lovely to witness. Ya'll inspire this awkward gremlin on the other side of the screen.

I'm just gonna go live in an anarchist commune.

I've basically had free reign to contribute to this group I am organizing with these last 2 days and it's felt so meaningful and impactful. I'm working on a website for a food co-op we are starting, and also working on helping set up a sponsored free breakfast program and it's been so rewarding. I feel like I'm being seen for my skills I'm able to contribute and also being treated as a human. They are giving me feedback and actual meaningful praise that doesn't feel like corpo jargon bullshit. I really hope this co-op takes off and we can create enough surplus that I can possibly quit my job and work for this full time. I'm not sure how NGO's and non-profits manage all that. I might bring it up in our meeting tomorrow evening.

In any case, these last 2 days have been amazing for my mental health and now I gotta go back to my regular job. I'm trying to stay positive about it though.

I wanted to say that all your kind comments as well as the conversations with all of you really picked up my spirits these last few days. I'm usually a very negative person when it comes down to me, and I tend to lash out at people around me when I'm feeling scared or in pain, often in immensely cruel ways. I had such a moment just this week, and was thinking of how I'm no better than my mother, but then you lot chimed in and really changed my perspective. I'm grateful to all of you, those who needed help as much as those who gave it. I'm just as conflicted as everybody else, I have my horrible moments, but I can also be a good person. So, ahm, thanks comrades, for making me feel human again.

I´m listening back to recordings of my patient interactions for my notes, and wondering aloud why none of my patients have punched me square in the face. My voice is so fucking annoying.

One of my neighbours is clearly not well, so she sometimes just screams for several minutes at a time. She sometimes repeats this in intervals over an hour or so. She's not in distress and she neither wants nor needs help. She just screams. It's not that big a deal except when she does it when I'm trying to sleep. She's loud enough that earplugs don't really solve the issue.

I don't really know what to do here. I'm thinking of trying to sound proof my apartment but that feels a bit silly. I could also tell her to duck into her closet when she needs to scream, but I don't know her well.

i did something really really hard yesterday, had a meltdown and threw up from the stress, but i did it. and there seems to be this expectation from the people around me, that cos i did it once i can do it again, indefinitely. but it takes me like, a week to recover from this sorta thing, or else i get super burnt out

like in highschool i would throw up from stress every morning and that didn't stop until i started skipping 50% of my classes

i was not built for life i think