"YOU ARE MY CHOSEN DISCIPLE. GO FORTH AND SLAY THE NON-BELIEVERS IN MY NAME."
Don't even say who you are. Everyone will just assume it's the god they already believe in. And everyone who doesn't believe in a god would start questioning everything.
this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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"Did you just switch it to broadcast? Fuck, turn it off!"
"All right, fuck it, we'll do it live!"
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"This is not you, this is god, you are the new messiah like my son Jesus before you. It is up to you to right all that's gone wrong in my world. Many will come forward and say that they received this message but do not be fooled for that is Satan trying to defeat you."
Then I get popcorn and watch the whole world burn.
I think if you said son or sons and left out "Jesus" you would get greater effect. Make it ambiguous enough that it calls to every Abrahamic religion.
use "your god" instead of god, "chosen one" instead of messiah and "evil" instead of satan and you get the polytheistic religions to join in as well.
also, some highly confused star wars fans, maybe.
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I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
― Mark Twain
“You just lost The Game.”
Appropriate blast from the past!
Funny thing about that, it's a losing battle to spread it since by the very rules of "the game", you thought about the game to post it, and thus lost :D
Ah, however, one plays not to win, but to force others to also lose.
'YOU! You know what you did! Make it right!'
Then sit back and look at all the guilty faces.
Might as well add a threat to it to really drive the point home.
I would find it irresistible to do, "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
"There is no Heaven or Hell. The only Paradise is that which you create for others by your own hand. And you are failing."
Kind of against the letter of the rule since this isn't really intended to cause chaos for the sake of chaos,but I'm sure chaos will result nonetheless.
"This is God, there's a reason why i put variations on love thy neighbor in every single religion. Differences in faith and race don't matter, helping others and making the world a better place do. You've disappointed me, do better"
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"Is this thing on ?" And then never say anything further.
"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."
"nah, don't tell the humans, it would just cause panic and there's nothing they can do anymore"
"The other religion is the true one."
I feel like a way worse thing to say would be "your religion is the right one." This would 100% increase religious tensions and fan the flames of fanaticism. Saying the other one is true isn't likely to play into people's already established worldviews and established worldviews are not changed by a single sentence regardless of who or how it's said.
"Remember you'll die."
I'm not a troublemaker so it would have to be for a good reason... and how I wish I could shake people out of their stupor and there's no better way than to consider your own mortality, as it puts things into perspective.
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"You've been right all along"
Geico could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Keep honking to save 1% per second.
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If it's just a thought and not a phrase or words that has to be translated or anything ... and an image that everyone could understand ... I'd go with the standard ...
Imagine everyone all over the world seeing this thought all at once and everyone confirming what they saw among themselves and everyone else everywhere ... everyone confirming the same image across languages, countries, regions, religions, rich, poor, literate, illiterate.
A bonus would be to have the alien say something in a language and voice that absolutely no one on the planet could possibly understand.
Then repeat the broadcast for five seconds once a day, every day.
"We heard you. We're on our way."
The world will end in a year unless 80% of the human race is killed
"You will expire in 30 days."
Retain the ambiguity across all translations.
The government has been secretly tracking everyone's farts since 1998. The next one you release will trigger your official ranking on the Global Flatulence Leaderboard. visible to everyone.
Half the world holds it in, the other half tries to fart so hard they shit themselves.
time for what if xkcd: "what if every human and animal on the planet farted at the same time?"
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If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
Do they know it’s my thought or do they think it’s their own?
My message is in stereo. In the right ear, a booming, authoritative voice saying "Question everything, don't trust authority, the God you believe in might not be real."
In the left ear, a serpentine voice telling them to trust their religious leaders, you don't know much yourself, you can't trust your logic, you have to have faith.
Kind of against the letter of the rule since this isn't really intended to cause chaos for the sake of chaos,but I'm sure chaos will result nonetheless.
"This is God, there's a reason why i put variations on love thy neighbor in every single religion. Differences in faith and race don't matter, helping others and making the world a better place do. You've disappointed me, do better"
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Testing testing 123
You have just lost the game
i hate you /s
The Purge begins in 3... 2... 1...
It’s not round, but it’s not flat either!
Does this forget that intrusive thoughts exist for everyone and generally most people would assume it was just that?
The rapture of the holy happened five minutes ago and no one was saved. The next 3.5 years will be chaos, starvation and death. Save yourself if you can.
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