The Onion

Historian Jane Plumber says nothing will change until someone is actually brave enough to commit infanticide.

“It’s clear that time traveling back to April 20, 1889, in Austria is getting easier and easier. But you can’t just go and give baby Hitler a lecture on why genocide is bad. You need to pick the kid up and spike him on the ground like a football,” said Plumber. “And killing the baby isn’t even the worst part, you will most likely get arrested for killing this kid and nobody will actually know you’re a hero to millions. You are just some psycho who turned a healthy baby into a puddle of blood and guts. Unfortunately, that’s the only way to make a difference.”

I'm fucking dying. I had to read this out loud to my wife, because she wanted to know what I was laughing at, and I could barely get through it.

Also, my grandpa killed Nazis. I loved that man.