Transmasc

Cis man here. You're of course allowed to say breast and to talk about your chest as breasts, but it will be jarring to almost any other man. It's even avoided in places it used to be used.

When I was a kid in the eighties and early nineties the front pocket on a men's shirt was pretty exclusively called a breast pocket, we giggled about it but knew that's what it was, now I get funny looks if I forget it's a front shirt pocket.

You are a man and you said "breast" so by definition, men say "breast."

Im not trans, so this isnt my space, but I do have a lot of experience being a guy in the US, and can say that women's bodies or no-no zones for discussion in any meaningful way until you're married to one. Nothing ever gets referred to in an anatomically correct way. I'm 38 and saying the word "vagina" literally feels bad, like I've done something wrong by using the word.

I dont believe she is trying to invalidate you in any way, but maybe trying to give an earnest piece of advice for someone who missed that particular cultural touchstone.

In very many ways what you experienced is par for the course as a man, although it is usually not something that would apply to me, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing this.

Of course my situation is not your situation, so your mileage may vary. Beat of luck to you.

Not talking about your feelings with the person you're literally paying to listen to your feelings is the most male thing I can think of.

Bring it up with them again, it's most likely purely performative advice, yes men are less likely to reference themselves like that but as you can see from this thread it's not an actual rule.

As a man I call my underwear Panties and the confusion it sows is just so great. Would probably say Bosom before Breast, but same energy.

Cis guy here. I would agree with her and interpret it as friendly advice to help you pass as one of the guys. About the only context in which I can imagine calling a guy's chest a "breast" would be, IDK, if I were doing some melodramatic Shakespearian/ren faire "ye olde" speak, or something silly like that.

'Course, I wasn't there, so maybe there was something about the tone or context that would imply a less favorable interpretation -- YMMV.

Locker room version: men will say nipple without any issue when talking about the nipple itself, or chest or pecks if talking about the fleshy bits behind said nipple. If someone is a bit overweight they might call them man-boobs, moobs, or similar. Usually it's gentle ribbing rather than intended offense, but sometimes it is intended to be a bit cruel depending on the tone. I have never heard a man refer to their "breast" in any context.

If you ask a man if they have breasts, you will get 99% "no" as the answer. You can't refer to a body part you don't have.

I might be in a bubble though. Hope this helps.

It is true that man in general don't use, rarely use, term breast when referring to their chest but that doesn't make you any more or less man by calling your chest breast. I mean both words are right to use.

Am male, been so for 5 decades.

We all say "breast," anyone who denies this is the weird one.

Men can get breast cancer. It's more rare for men than women, but not totally uncommon. If we called it chest cancer, that would be confusing since the heart and lungs also reside in the chest. I wonder what your therapist would think about that.

Here's a stackexchange convo about that which might interest you!

But yeah basically you can absolutely say breast if you want, it's a thing already. Even if it wasn't you could still just show the middle finger to conventions and say whatever you want

I thought I was a man for most of my life and I've only ever heard a man refer to another male's upper chest as a breast, in a non-insulting way one time.

It was Mark Twain in some book. It sounded weird and antiquated to my ear like a lot of the language his books.

Its not common in the modern american english I have encountered. You should speak how you want, but I wouldn't recommend it. Not because it would clock you, but because there are plenty of insecure men out there who might take offense to it.

edit: third time trying to rewrite the first sentence probably got it right this time.

I think the best course of action here is to just tell the therapist that what she said felt invalidating to you, and ask why she said it. How she reacts will be a good indicator on whether it was intentional and whether she is a good fit for you.

She may have been trying to give you (seemingly unasked for, based on your post) passing advice without endorsing the sentiment behind it, and just came off badly. If you don’t want her input on what she thinks would make you pass better, you can absolutely tell her that. You get to set boundaries with the therapist, too.

Any form of gender policing is oppressive and should be ignored. Your therapist is obviously wrong and should not be taken seriously. If you like to behave and talk like most men do then that’s cool, but it should be your own choice and not something your therapist tells you to do. I don’t think the way people call breasts is gendered that way but who knows.

I sometimes notice that I feel like I need to behave more ‘manly’ to convince others that I’m actually trans but rationally I think that that’s silly. I try to just accept the way I am because I don’t want to conform to this enforced gendered society.

Cis Dude, Queer, Texas, Mid-30s

If I'm talking between other men about a lady's breasts, I'll use tits or boobs, my best friend has an injoke where we use a flat "breasts" (:55)

If I'm in mixed company, boobs or breasts.

With women, especially older women, I'll use breasts or bosom if I'm feeling silly.

Younger women (if they bring up the subject) I'll sometimes do a idiot meathead word for them as a joke. "My poor ex had a bad back from her... her... what's the good word for bazongas again?"

For my own man-tiddies, I use bosoms or Robertsons. Men's bodies are inheritedly funny to me, so I don't use serious words to describe the less flattering details on me.

I think you need a better therapists who doesn't feel the need to police the way you express yourself.