this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 225 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Tell her that her nose looks too perfect, problem solved

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 119 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Exactly. They fumbled hard. "It has to be your ____, there's no way it turned out that good naturally."

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 178 points 10 months ago (2 children)

My autistic ass would be like "Nope no clue sorry, whatever it was, they a good surgeon 👍"

[–] ahornsirup@feddit.org 76 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Neurotypical here - that's the correct response.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago (2 children)

ADHD here, it’s one of two. The other is to guess bottom surgery/sex reassignment to teach her what sort of prizes she can expect from playing stupid games. Yeah you’re burning that bridge, but that’s a bridge worth burning

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[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 133 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"Your nose is your cutest feature, that's why I chose it" is the correct response

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 105 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"Not like those ugly-ass ears. They really screwed those up, huh?"

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 69 points 10 months ago (5 children)
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 51 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"You seemed like a person who would have a wizard's sleeve situation down there."

"Wtf it was my ears"

"So is the situation down there not fixed or what do you mean?"

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[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Senseless@feddit.org 8 points 10 months ago (9 children)
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[–] No_Money_Just_Change@feddit.org 64 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Do the following:
First, say something along the lines of: "That is very difficult. On the one hand, you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsman. On the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

Then you sneak out of the bathroom window because by the glorious lord Satan himself, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insists you do something after you refuse

[–] isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de 38 points 10 months ago

"that is very difficult, one the one hand you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsmanship, on the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

[–] borf@lemmynsfw.com 48 points 10 months ago (2 children)

smh could have guessed she was born with a tail, missed opportunity

[–] RangerJosie@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago (1 children)

If I was born with a tail and found out my parents had it removed I'd be mad as hell.

[–] thawed_caveman@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Human tails are kind of a thing and doctors do remove them. But it's not a glorious tiger tail or anything, it's like a stub, it's an outgrowth of the coccyx, which is literally a vestigial tail.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

If my tail wouldn't be prehensile, then I'd want it remove too. It's a sartorial mess with no upside.

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 41 points 10 months ago (2 children)

she clearly wants you to compliment her natural features, play along citizen.

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (7 children)

How would anyone be supposed to know that?

Also isn't asking for compliments generally a bad thing?

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 41 points 10 months ago

"It looks perfect! That's why I thought you had work done!"

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Insist, not to pick something then. You can easily explain that it's a lose-lose: either something is wrong with a natural body part or they didn't do a good job. And both of you feel bad afterwards.

[–] Rolando@lemmy.world 28 points 10 months ago (4 children)

"They must have clipped off your wings, because you look like an angel."

[–] JargonWagon@lemmy.world 28 points 10 months ago
[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 16 points 10 months ago (3 children)

"Or like some sort of succubus devil thing, I dunno."

[–] No1@aussie.zone 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Horn removal and chopped off a spiky tail lol

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"Speaking of which...did it hurt when you broke through the Earth's crust while ascending from hell?"

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago

Did it hurt, when they clipped your wings and you took 1000d6 falling damage, m'lady?

[–] B312@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Since when was Anakin Skywalker on lemmy?

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

"Your boobs?"
"My boobs?!"
"Yeah, they look greeeeeeeat" *deliver as Tony the Tiger*

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[–] atro_city@fedia.io 25 points 10 months ago

Sounds like trouble is they ever get into a relationship.

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 25 points 10 months ago

“Oooh, I don’t know. Maaaaybeee your lips, because I can’t stop looking at them. But if you did, then your doctor is really good.

Deliver it light and kind of flirty and she’s not thinking about whatever trap that question is, she’s thinking about how you just told her you want to kiss her.

If it’s for any other reason - making sure an insecurity is unknown, wanting to springboard into a conversation, wanting to see how you react if she baits you into saying something dumb, or even having her own flirty line to deliver about it - she’ll probably get to it. Assuming you haven’t wooed her into a voracious make out session.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago (2 children)

"Honestly? You look so naturally beautiful I couldn't begin to guess. But if I had to, I'd say your most captivating thing about you is your eyes. Are they the real deal or someone fashion them from starlight?"

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago

You should write for Hallmark movies.

[–] KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 10 months ago

idk i'm just going to pull the "dont know don't care, card." lol

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 19 points 10 months ago

"Did they do work on your face to make you less cute? Because I think they botched it."

[–] Bobmighty@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago

" Well, I know it isnt all that stuff that clearly needs work"

[–] scutiger@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

"The left one?"

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

(I have another response.)
Lean away, give her a long look, and gaze deep into her eyes. Tilt your head slightly to the side.

“…. dad?”

In the stunned silence, because she never expected you to be right, tell her that you didn’t think you would see her again after she disappeared on her way to get cigarettes all those years ago.

And then put your hand on her thigh and say “I’ve missed you daddy” with wide eyes.

Gets ‘em every time.

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

I’d say something dumb like, “Why would you only have work done on one breast, that’s weird.” Though I guess there’s situations with breast cancer and mastectomies and such, but plastic surgery on boobs would be my immediate first guess, not even considering what else might be done.

[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

“You had a concerning mole removed from your thigh”

[–] brotundspiele@sh.itjust.works 9 points 10 months ago

I don't care that you used to be a dude, but I must say, the surgeon did an amazing job.

[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

The correct answer is: “I can’t tell, you are naturally beautiful”

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 7 points 10 months ago

I'm pretty sure the correct answer is (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)

And storm off

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

For anyone scrolling far enough to read this, all of the correct answers for this, follow the same formula. Statement about how you cannot tell leading into a compliment about their looks.

This can be reversed, complimenting they're looks, and lead into that it is impossible to tell.

Unless she looks like the wicked witch of the west, like one girl I knew. She had surgery at some point, and I only knew her after that happened. I am not exaggerating with that reference.

Bluntly, I couldn't have cared less. Things didn't work out for completely unrelated reasons.

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