I made Mac and cheese with Velveeta and ground turkey.

Cut up tortillas, fry them with some salt, when crispy crack two or three eggs in there and scramble. I grew up eating it and while it is delicious I don't think I would serve it to guests.

I put ketchup on bread and microwave it

Variant on your dish: bake sweet potato, add cottage cheese and eat immediately. Add sweet or savory seasonings to taste. It's not something I'd bring to share, but it's definitely not something I'll hide. As far as quick and dirty meals, it's reasonably healthy, and probably not the worst suggestion for someone who struggles to cook for themselves.

Actual goblin food: canned black olives between two slices of bread, smush down to prevent them from rolling out.

When I was pretty serious about powerlifting, I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat a giant spoonful of peanut butter with a big glass of milk, and then go back to bed. I certainly wouldn't offer that to a guest.

My so called broccoli-potato-gratin with pork neck includes quite an amount of cream, salt, bouillion cubes and cheese. My wife doesn't know and it will stay that way.

I sometimes open a can of vegetables and pour them in my mouth

I'm not going to put a bowl of lentils and hot sauce in front of a guest.

Butter beans with olives. Cover it in oregano, some garlic, some chilli flakes, and then drizzle a tiny bit of soy sauce and plenty of olive oil over the top.

It's dumb, but it's so tasty, quick, and easy.

Chips with ketchup (as a dip) and burned mozzarella in a pan, rolled up, and dipped in honey mustard.

White bread with mustard, and those dried fried crisy onions sandwiched inside. Gets me through to next meal.

Bun, brat, mustard, sourkraut. If there is a pack of malt vinegar in the drawer, that too.