646
submitted 2 months ago by MattWalsh@sh.itjust.works to c/memes@lemmy.ml
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[-] uservoid1@lemmy.world 53 points 2 months ago

Feed your knives regularly and they'll stop whispering, just saying

[-] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago

If anybody can relate to this post, please stay away from all sharp objects and seek therapy.

[-] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 35 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Or just do what I do and shout, "Knife in my hands knife in my hands knife in my hands" so people step away from you until you're finished knifing.

[-] optissima@possumpat.io 2 points 2 months ago

This makes it much harder to knife them tho

[-] ryannathans@aussie.zone 2 points 2 months ago

I'm gonna start swinging and if you get in the way it's your own fault!

[-] ScruffyDucky@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago

I have a mumble rap version and they are annoying af

[-] CouncilOfFriends@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

For a fun science experiment, you can ask friends and family whether the knives whisper to them as well. If you are rigurous in your methods you may learn whether the source is the knife, or your brain, or according to that one relative, Illuminati broadcasts from the COVID microchip.

[-] BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago

About 150. That’s the amount people you need to forge a knife out of the blood of your enemies. This knife won’t whisper to you, because it is whisper.

[-] doingthestuff@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

I feel like this is a joke I'm not British enough to understand.

[-] EtherWhack@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago
[-] Grumpy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago

If you get a fancy expensive knife with super pointy tip, this temptation only increases.

[-] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I think that's on you, not on the knife.

[-] I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

When are they finally going to make a knife that doesn't cackle with the laughter of those who've wronged me when I use it?

[-] thefrankring@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

I heard there are also chainsaws.

[-] HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 months ago

This is in reference to a specific post, isn't it? Was it on Tumblr? I can't remember.

[-] Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml 0 points 2 months ago

There are things you can do to stop the whispers, schizzy

[-] Asudox@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

"I swear I am not schizophrenic! The knife really whispers into my ears at night!!! It's all because we live in a simulation set by the government to regulate our bodies and take away our freedom🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲! Do you understand, peasant!?"

Have you tried wrapping your knives in tin foil? Should help keep the 5G away from them.

[-] InputZero@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The anecdotal odds are that you are living in a simulation though. I mean the simple math says that your odds are 1 over one whole value in infinity that you're not. It's just likely that whole value = 1.

this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2024
646 points (96.8% liked)

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