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submitted 6 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to c/science_memes@mander.xyz

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[-] EveningPancakes@lemm.ee 263 points 6 months ago

All you need to know is that he labeled himself as a consultant. Which reminds me of this joke.

Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road. A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him.

The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wrist watch and a BHS tie gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says: "Okay."

The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says:"You have exactly 1,586 sheep here. "

The shepherd answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep."The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?" The young man answers: "Sure." The shepherd says: "You are a consultant." "Exactly! How did you know," asks the young man? Very simple, answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about my business and I'd really like to have my dog back."

[-] pastel_de_airfryer@lemmy.eco.br 82 points 6 months ago

From my experience working for a management consulting firm. It's more like everyone knows what the problems are and how to fix them, but they are too scared of screwing up to do something about it.

So they hire a consultancy company to tell them what they already knew and take the blame if something goes wrong.

"No one ever gets fired for hiring McKinsey"

[-] SandbagTiara2816@lemmy.dbzer0.com 46 points 6 months ago

“No one ever get fired for hiring McKinsey”

They fucking should. I mean, I understand why that doesn’t happen, given the world we live in, but man… McKinsey is fucking evil incarnate

[-] glimse@lemmy.world 33 points 6 months ago

My old boss used to say, "a consultant is someone who borrows your watch and then charges you when you ask for the time"

[-] jballs@sh.itjust.works 19 points 6 months ago

A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wrist watch and a BHS tie

As a long time consultant, this reminded me of Are you a prostitute or are you a consultant?

Specifically, "The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you."

[-] SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 6 months ago

I do NOT miss being yelled at by some middle management Kevin about how I'm charging them $275 per hour to justify their getting whatever crazy shit isn't in the purchase agreement. I wish I made $275/hour. That'd be amazing.