I can at least understand a straight cis person not getting it because they’re never really pushed to reflect on it by society. If you’re already queer in some way what’s the cognitive issue with believing people can be attracted to more than one gender and in different ways?

You nailed it, its totally baffling to me. How can you yourself be queer and just not understand it? Is it really that difficult to imagine I am attracted to people regardless of gender? To me it seems like the most simple thing in the world, "I like what I like."

It's not that surprising. Try asking a grounded conventionally attractive straight woman to give online dating advice to a grounded conventionally attractive straight man and watch how the difference in lived experience just grinds the conversation to a halt teetering on the edge of mutual recriminations. The amount of times I've heard women tell men to 'try dating themselves first' (which is what they are already doing, dinner and treats etc.) is honestly hilarious.

People, for the most part, don't really go out of their way to imagine what the lives of other people are like, and therefore are only really able to empathize with people who share common backgrounds and experiences with them. As soon as they are confronted with real, substantial differences they just start to assume that the other party is lying, or exaggerating their problem. There is just a complete lack of trust and zero communication skills. Nearly total alienation.

Try adding in stuff like gender and sexuality and it just becomes an even more complex gradiated nightmare. Not that it should be if ignored, but it is a huge Gordian knot for modern discourse.