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What are your experiences with polyamory, first or second hand? (feddit.nl)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by LegionEris@feddit.nl to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I personally am in a phenomenally stable polyamorous relationship. I've been married to my wife for 12 years, and she has had the same boyfriend for about half of that time. It's a really fulfilling arrangement for all of us in various ways. We're all genuinely happy and satisfied. I'm kind of casually looking for a boyfriend of my own.

But I feel like I only hear negative stories about other poly experiences. It's always unstable people and situations. It's always two out of three people happy at most. Surely there are other success stories out there, and I just hear the disasters because they're more memorable and fun to tell. Does anyone else have or know a polyamory success story?

EDIT: This blew up a little while I was asleep. I promise I'm at least reading every comment.

EDIT 2.0: ngl I did not expect the trope of polyamory to fix a struggling relationship would be so real. We did just the opposite and are both baffled. Don't use volitility to fight the volitility.

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[-] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 26 points 11 months ago

I'll tell you what. When I was young, the idea of (ethically) dating more than one person seemed interesting and exciting.

I'm 40, and just reading about X's part in this had me recoiling in horror at the amount of work it would be to be married and dating two other people. I hope they're unemployed or part time, because those relationships sound like a full-time job.

[-] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

It sounds like it. But in practice? Not really?

As that's assuming every partner gets the same amount of attention as in a mono relationship, but your partner(s) has other partners, they can hang out with someone else when you are busy or need some time for yourself. How much time you spend with your partner(s) is very flexible.

In fact, in my polycule, people tend to actually get more alone time, because you are not the sole person fulfilling your partner's romantic needs. It's remarkably flexible, and, while it may need some planning and/or making sure you tend to your relationships, in my case it feels remarkably straightforward and freeing.

It's a thing I like a lot, actually. Not feeling like I am the sole person responsible for someone's romantic needs. It lifts a fair amount of stress off of me.

This flexibility means you can tune a lot of things, into what works for everyone.

[-] bandario@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 11 months ago

My thoughts exactly. It just seems like SO MUCH WORK. It's difficult enough balancing a career, children and keeping one relationship healthy.

this post was submitted on 11 Nov 2023

136 points (85.1% liked)

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