It feels like it's turning though. Or maybe that's just in my circle.. You're describing an authoritarian parenting style. "Because I said so"

That's how my wife and I grew up, more or less. Naturally, it put us both off. Our parents were not bad people, and have certainly come around with age. But they settled for certain bad patterns at times because they didn't know an alternative, or one wasn't culturally acceptable, only for "other" types of people - many reasons. They were also much younger, just barely adults themselves, and still not quite escaped from the gravity of their parents ideas.

But we think differently. There are still rules. We haven't swung full permissive. That's just as bad. But the "why" behind them matters. Understanding when how and why one would break them also matters. We are building a full-on person. There are many many different things you need to shepherd them through, starting with the very lowest level basics an adult doesn't have to think about for themselves.

We want them to understand how things work. You have to be there all the time to build a really strong bond. They need a solid foundation of love, safety and stability for them to do as well as you want them to. You have to have the ability to see things through their eyes.

And that's just it. We're not egoic 20-year-olds. We're mid-thirty-somethings. We had a nice long time to get to know our adult selves a bit. We have now started to feel time passing and we know this is not forever. We want them to be better than we are, because they'll be here long after we're gone.