You don't have "the courage" because it would be stealing away a sibling from us. You aren't spineless, you are hurt. You had to live and suffer how many years in a skin and a role you hate? While it feels like "nothing" or "inevitable" it really is neither. It is you clinging on in a world that is stacked against you. I hope you can start by finding some of the god damn love for yourself that you deserve. But it is hard because I just know how we get filled with self hatred and self loathing because we are told we deserve the shit we are in. You don't. It is a lie. A lie that is hard to get out of your head. You deserve love and compassion without changing ANYTHING, right now! You are not perfect, maybe even messed up as fuck. So what? Aren't we all? Don't get me wrong, your bad feelings are very real and valid. But neither are they your fault nor do you deserve to feel that way. And I don't know how old you are right now but I remember telling myself 5 years ago "I could never", "I am too botched, too old", " I don't even deserve happiness " and all these lies we pick up. At the end of last year all I wanted to do was stop living but instead I tried to unapologetically treat myself to the things I was curious about (hard eggshell). I polished my nails, made shoddy makeup, stopped caring about my coworkers because why would I when I was dead inside already? Got myself a wig and some nice clothing even though I should not really afford it and found my baby botches ass beautiful for the first time. The rest is history.

Life is not gonna become easy and that sucks but it can become worth living again. For the first time in what feels forever I have self love and self respect. I know what I want and I am willing to get me there. Because I respect the women I became. Even if the whole world would decide not to anymore.