traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Okay idk if I'm actually demisexual. Or maybe I am? Why is this so confusing? Why is all introspection so difficult for me? Oh right cause I never feel like I can tell all that well which decisions or desires are actually mine, and which ones are me wanting to fit in and be accepted and loved.
sex
The hottest sex I've ever had was with somebody I knew for years before we ever did anything like that. And it wasn't even close to the second best, not even a little bit. It felt completely different, and I felt completely different. I thought because it was my first time having sex as myself with somebody I was out of the closet to. I didn't feel like I was performing, I was ravenous for real. Usually I'd have to worry about performing while topping, but I was still going strong as the sun came up the next morning. I thought this is just what sex is supposed to be like, but it hasn't been like that since. Not even with gorgeous people who I find incredibly attractive, who I get along with well and am friends with and trust and feel safe with. Hell I've even been on romantic dates with all of them, but no.But then what if the reason it was so good with that one person was just because there are few people who cause that special sort of attraction in me? This is the only time I've experienced that, so it could be for any number of reasons, right?
Oh but I just remembered, whenever I invent sexual fantasies with my own original fictional characters, we're already very close friends in those fantasies. That does sound pretty demisexual from what I understand of it.
Ah fuck it, for now I think I'm gonna just stick to cuddling for physical contact anyway. I have time to try to figure this stuff out. Just put me down as questioning ig.
spoiler
You definitely dont have to figure out a label, you can just go with what makes you happy as it happens~I like sex - I like casual sex, I like situationship sex, I like sex with (slightly more than) friends. But the peak best sex has and remains committed monogamous old relationship energy sex. Everything else is still great! Like A tier. But committed 5+ year relationship is S tier.
If youre demisexual thats fine! Theres no harm in trying.
Thank you, I'm gonna try to not think about labels for a while and just do what I feel like I should be doing.
sex
Re-reading the spoilered section above I think my wording was a little confusing. It's also just confusing because this is confusing to me. But at least the wording is easier to fix. I meant to say that the friends who I've been intimate with where I wasn't feeling what I was expecting to feel were more recent friendships. Like months, not years.