this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
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7: Mystery box/A New Hope again
8: Controversial character assassination but honestly the only one with any real value cinematically
9: Cowardly trash with no payoff for the mystery boxes that also discarded every point of value from 8
I wonder why. Fuckers couldn't even figure out they should have made the Knights of Ren matter as villains.
Honestly 8 has no value cinematically either. It is just as much a mystery box that "could" go somewhere as 7. It has nothing interesting to say or deconstruct about Star Wars, it's just "what if all of that was bullshit?" What do you mean what if? My brother in Christ, you are writing the movie, you are supposed to tell or imply that in the story. The character assassination is just an extention of that. "What if this character acted completely different now?" Ok let's pretend I'm fine with that. Why? What are you trying to say with that? What happens as a result of the change? Oh, no reason, nothing, and nothing? K then. KOTOR 2 was leaps and bounds better at deconstructing Star Wars, and it was notoriously unfinished. It's not a high bar, and Star Wars IS bullshit in some ways, as much as I like some of them. So it would have been cool if Johnson gave a shit.
Yoda's line about Masters is the only thing that stuck with me in the whole Trilogy though, so I guess you are technically correct. But it's like 1% value vs 0% value.
I remember starting 9 in the theater, excited to see how Star Wars ends!
Then the movie happened, and I just couldn't shake the feeling of "oh so JJ is pissed that Rian did his own thing with the last movie, and we're literally just going around retconning the very previous movie?"
ETA: I actually laughed out loud when they tried to invite Rose on their little adventure again and she's just like "nah, I gotta stay here"
...or any villain besides Temu Darth Vader and (sigh) The Emperor II, zombie boogaloo
I understand the thematic purpose of Kylo, he's supposed to be the edgy wannabe Nazi, it's a commentary and so on and so forth.
Probably shouldn't have used your female lead as a sexual reward for the redemption arc of the Neonazi incel though. Bro literally negged her and abused her...
Kind of makes you think any female empowerment message spread by Disney is a mere marketing decision or something.
😂
I feel like the problem with 8 was how ham-fisted it was. Like, I get wanting to break the norms, go a different direction, and not rely on nostalgia to direct your story. But maybe taking what everyone loved from the first movies, going "actually all this stuff you loved is SHIT and you were stupid for ever liking it" and then literally burning it all in front of everyone was the wrong way to go about that.
It felt like the writer held some deep seeded hatred for Star Wars and its fans, and went out of their way to make that known.
It's not saying "you are stupid for ever liking it", but a lot of old star wars fans are taking it that way. Not everything is a personal attack.
The person you’re referring to is JJ Abrams. JJ Abrams thinks he knows everything about movies and doesn’t need to know anything about the source material, it’s a fairly well documented fact that he was neither a Star Trek fan nor a Star Wars fan before making either movies. I have so many problems with JJ Abrams going all the way back to Lost and I don’t think I will ever forgive him for ruining two of my favorite franchises and TV storytelling for the time being.
I thought this was the one he didn’t do.
On 8? He was the executive producer.
Admittedly, I’ve never actually known what an executive producer does.
I think they are supposed to represent the money but that usually gives them more power than they are supposed to have.
For instance, quite famously in The Matrix executive meddling is the reason that humans are batteries and not augmentations to the machine’s computing power. Which is why there are some things that don’t make quite as much sense until you realize that everybody still in the matrix is supposed to be having most of their brain power used elsewhere.
With this context, your initial comment now makes complete sense to me. Thanks for explaining.
What were the things you liked they shit on?
I got as far as them using their hyperspace to launch a small ship and destroy the bigger ship, like why don't they just make a ton of dummy ships and blow everything up that way, would have taken out the death star so easily.
It was cool to see but right after that's all I could think about, like why even bother building a death star, just hyper launch things all over the place
Smacking one ship into the other creates a large debris field with unknown vectors. Allowing debris to enter a hyperspace window is dangerous according to the laws of physics that I just made up.
That's literally the explanation given for why there's a chunk of Death Star on that one planet in 9.
I'm not even kidding.
We usually call those missiles. :P
You've reminded me of a bit of flavor text from Starsector that I particularly like, from the missile specialization skill:
9 made me so angry.