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Don't. Let them sort it out. Just be there.
The most frustrating thing, as a person who has had losses in life of family and friends, is other people's compulsion to try to force you to be happy or punish you for your grief. It also is clear they odn't care about you, they just care about your grief affecting them in a way they don't like.
Let people be sad. It's normal, it's healthy.
What you are doing here is called catastrophizing, assuming their life will spiral into collapse over the loss of a pet. Stop it. It won't. They will be sad for a week or few, and they will move on. Stop trying to control the situation and control your partner.
Thank you, this is very helpful. We've had this conversation a couple of times. In stressful times, I often jump to offer all the support I can give, and sometimes they feel too overwhelmed because of that. They've told me that trying to normalize/downplay things help them cope with the situation better.
We are both kinda unstable due to our neurodivergensies, so my worry about a negative spiral is justified, as it has happened before (not as life ending, but a couple of rushed action with long-term consequences). But I will try not to manifest it into existence by letting them grieve at their own pace. Thank you again.
Then your job is to work on your own stability. You cannot support another person if you cannot support yourself.
To sort of piggyback, what about loss of people? A parent or spouse is usually a bigger deal to people, how to support those?
Lot of wisdom here. Well fucking said.