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Thank you, this is very helpful. We've had this conversation a couple of times. In stressful times, I often jump to offer all the support I can give, and sometimes they feel too overwhelmed because of that. They've told me that trying to normalize/downplay things help them cope with the situation better.
We are both kinda unstable due to our neurodivergensies, so my worry about a negative spiral is justified, as it has happened before (not as life ending, but a couple of rushed action with long-term consequences). But I will try not to manifest it into existence by letting them grieve at their own pace. Thank you again.
Then your job is to work on your own stability. You cannot support another person if you cannot support yourself.