Hai everybody! :3
We haven't been around much lately, but we've missed you all <3
As much as we enjoy talking about electromagnetism and the like, we're really feeling trans joy as the theme for this mega post. And we'd love to hear some of the things that have brought you all some joy lately (without doxxing yourselves of course).
Something that is bringing us a lot of joy right now is seeing the local trans community finding each other and making joy for ourselves. They're planning events, going out, finding love and friendship, and refusing to allow our circumstances prevent us from enjoying life and having fun as much as possible. And we're part of it! We've been doing the same! And it doesn't just make this life tolerable in the face of all the bad stuff happening, it's making this life beautiful and filled with love and happiness.
In order to try to get back in the habit of participating here, we're going to try to at least post one bit of trans joy every day here this week.
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
Trans joy, huh? I was going to wait a bit longer to talk about this, but now is fine. Mostly just posting this for me tbh
Looking forward to the future (brief mention of ideation)
The last few years have been a real test of how much I want a good ending instead of a quick ending. When the conclusion you built your life on turns out to be hollow, it feels impossible to take any meaningful step forward. Rebuilding support systems, finding financial security, engaging with a barbaric system - there were many days where I felt like all I did was dig a hole and fill it back up. I even allowed myself an entire year to have a grounded assessment of suicide as a reasonable next step. If I had to chart my future once again, nothing was off the table.Over time, I found myself at the other end of every insurmountable step. Finding friends who I could be myself around reminded me that I could be vulnerable again. Taking a chance on another therapist gave me the space to talk through the body trauma I couldn't escape. Letting a partner see me in this messy phase helped me to think about the future again. Finding a better job, struggling with the healthcare system, starting electrolysis again - every meaningful action has led to finally having a consult at the end of this month.
Through all of this, my resolve has become unbreakable. I'm not approaching surgery with a mindset of "everything rests on this surgeon working out" because it doesn't. I can tell my story confidently, I can find a someone that I don't have to compromise for. The era of feeling like I'm in the shadows of a failed transition has come to a close. I have joy in being trans, confidence in my femininity again.
Thinking about the last time I prepped for a consult, I barely recognize that person. I'm looking forward to what comes next.
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As much as these words sound cliche, your story is truly very inspiring. I hope to someday to meet you on the other side ...
re:
Maybe it doesn't mean so much from me, but I believe in you. Things can pile up and be so shitty, but they do get better. Even with everything you've had to deal with, I still see you posting every day and thinking about the future too. It can all seem routine and necessary in the moment, but it takes so much strength. I hope you see that strength in yourself too.Tap for spoiler
No it does mean something coming from you. If you can do it ... that's not a guarantee that I can do it. But knowing that people managed to overcome this still helps.
If I had that kind of strength things would be better. It was my weakness that made me come out to my parents prematurely.
::: spoiler re: How you feel about yourself matters most, but if you don't mind me asking, why do you feel it was weakness? ::;
Tap for spoiler
Because I didn't need to do it. I did it because I couldn't take it anymore. Now I'm back to square 0. I still have to go back in the closet anyway. All I accomplished was making my mental health worse.
re:
I can understand wanting to find acceptance from family, though. Maybe it feels embarrassing to have tried, but your parents are the ones who let you down. They sound so horrible (aside from trans stuff even).People can only hold things in for so long before something spills out. I wish it went better for you, but it doesn't make you a weaker person for needing to let it all out. I've put my trust in shitty people and felt humiliated after it too. Their failure is not a reflection on you.
congrats! glad to hear it :)
Thank you for always being so kind on my posts
This is so beautiful ๐ฅน๐ฅน๐ฅน we're so glad you made it to this point.