So, I want to do some martial arts, for self defense. Ideally one that will be useful without giving me CTE, or any long term bad stuff, even though I feel this is already asking for too much 
I don't live in the U๐๐ so gun related stuff isn't really an option.
I'm somewhat heavy, with a year of experience in lifting, and my cardio is not the best, but I can do long walks (of 1 or 2 hours) before getting tired.
I'm going to move to a bigger city in September, and there's a lot of stuff available, so you can comment on the more niche options.
So yeah, any advice from your experiences is welcome lol
If I had known people started arguing over my post I wouldn't have made it.
Completely incomprehensible response. You're telling me you agree with gouging out someone's eyes but not with shooting them? In exactly the same situation? You're being ridiculous.
Your response is the easiest way for you to tell me you've never thrown hands before.
Is it shameful to be mindful and cautious and not put myself in situations where I "throw hands" or is it shameful to pick fights? Pick one. You can't have it both ways.
If I ever "threw hands" with anyone I would lose. I'm less than 5 feet tall. That's why I have a gun.