What to do now that you have some idea that it might link to current behaviours? Well this is where you'd work with an actual therapist doing CBT or EMDR or whatever, figure out if you need to work through the memory or if its better buried, come to terms with it. Cause you might be right that this is why sexual intercourse has felt icky or your kinks are "unhinged" to you - but you've also put a lot of shame into both of those when there reallt needn't be any. You could just find (sexual) intimacy something you wanna share with someone you deeply trust, which is totally normal and the way Id frame it if it were the case. And your kinks aren't unhinged - dont put that value judgement on it, theyre just parts of you that you can express if you'd like. There's nothing wrong with masochism or submissiveness or whatever, there can be bad and unsafe and toxic ways of doing them but just as a part of yourself there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Beyond that, what you do about knowing is up to you. I think youre not serving yourself by not working on these feelings of shame and depression and obviously theres gatekeeping for things like ADHD meds so thats not on you. For now, pending revolution, you have to have income to live so a goal of earning money to be more independent and have a better quality of living is a totally fine and reasonable goal