Hi, I don't want to cause a fight but "get injections and go straight to monotherapy" is not good advice to give to someone looking for a place to start.

There are a variety of options when it comes to feminizing HRT and the reality is that it comes down to preference and one's ability to regularly administer dosages. Injections can be intimidating, uncomfortable, and deliver less consistent levels than pills would, pills don't require sharps and are generally more available. There is this mystique around injections, they're sexy in a way but they're not meaningfully more effective in delivering results than other methods and may be worse in some ways. Spironolactone is... fine? Like really its fine, as long as you don't have any preexisting kidney or liver conditions its fine. You're definitely going to pee more often and some people report "brain fog" but your mileage will vary on that. To me, starting spiro felt like waking up for the first time in decades. The other thing about spiro is that it works in a very wonky way so blood testosterone levels aren't a great indication of how well its working.

That being said, there are other antiandrogens out there, and its your right as a person to try things out and see what works best for you. Transfeminine science has a very good introduction to feminizing HRT and I highly recommend reading it as well as the rest of the website. Those girls do good work. There is also a fun simulator that plots out a rough estimate of estrogen levels with different medications. Regarding actually getting HRT, independent journalist Erin Reed maintains a map of informed consent clinics that you may find useful if you haven't found a place for that yet. Planned Parenthood clinics offer gender affirming care and also have a sliding scale for how much they'll charge you.

Frankly, its going to take time to get comfortable presenting as oneself. There's a lot said about the "embracing the new" aspect of transitioning and the "discarding the old" part gets talked about much less, and the absence of the old can be much more uncomfortable than the presence of the new. I really hope that made sense. I am very tired. Be patient with yourself and hold faith in what the future has in store for you. The process of bodily feminization is glacial, agonizingly so, and it comes in spurts too. I promise that one day you'll look in the mirror, and as though by magic you'll see her there for the first time. The details like makeup and mannerisms and clothes and hair and all that will come to you eventually, it takes a little effort, and quite a bit of trial and error. You'd be surprised to find just how many people are willing to help a trans woman get oriented in these matters.

I have no idea where to put this part, so I'm putting it here. You should read this comment. The book Inanna, Lady of Largest Heart is wonderful and you owe it to yourself to go read it, or at least chapter nine, the linked comment mentions where to find it but if you want, DM me and I'll email it to you lmao. It is an incredibly powerful thing to see oneself in the words of a woman who lived five thousand years before you were even born.

In case no one has said this already, I'm so fucking proud of you. Yeah sure we're strangers but from what you've said here I can tell that you are already a very, very strong woman*. Thank you for finding it in you to persist and find this courage.

(If "woman" is not how you label your gender identity I deeply apologize and wish to correct myself.)